In praise of Billy Van

by JOHNSON CUMMINS

Halloween is the tits when it comes to holidays. Cheesy horror movies hold your remote hostage at the end of October, but one of the cheesiest monster bonanzas ever has actually been with us all year long. Campy kids’ show The Hilarious House of Frightenstein has landed spots on Space, TV Land, Drive-In Classics and MTV2 over the last year and, if you haven’t seen this classic 1971 “children’s” show, you really are missing out. The only reason I can cook up for this show being posthumously celebrated would be the simple fact that it’s the most fucked-up show you could ever watch while under the influence.

CAMP VAMP:
Billy Van as Count Frightenstein

All 130 episodes were shot on barely a shoestring budget, a fact that no one even attempted to disguise in the shooting. This mindfuck is awash in psychedelic overtones, with main actor Billy Van singlehandedly spinning the plates by taking on nine different characters. The make-up, sets and costumes are shady at best, but it’s the “how the hell do you work this thing” naiveté of the early-’70s Canadian production that really makes this hallucinogenic half-hour worth a peek, uh, while peaking.

Filmed exclusively at a Hamilton (!) television studio, the characters include a 300-pound green sidekick named Igor (Fishka Rais) who regularly had a segment where he just danced over a psychedelic backdrop, a Frankenstein mannequin monster named Brucie and of course Van’s main character, Count Frightenstein, who desperately tried to hold this hodgepodge of mind-melting splendour together. In the middle of all of this chaotic blitzkrieg feasting on your corneas is the odd appearance of a fairly big name, at least in 1971—Vincent Price. It’s easy to see where most of the money was tilting, as against their bargain-basement budget, writing riddled with holes and roughshod production approach, Price stuck out like a sore thumb on the cheap and flimsy sets.

If you can’t find it on your dial, there’s a three-disc DVD set (Critical Mass/Anchor Bay Entertainment Canada) that has already been released, and a new DVD, Gory Gory Transylvania—also featuring the bonus Billy Van documentary, Return to Transylvania—hitting the racks on Nov. 11. If you feel like some further digging, click on www.frightenstein.com for more background info. If the people behind this freakshow weren’t completely tripping balls on every filming day, then my name ain’t Johnson.

Of course, rock ’n’ roll and Halloween go together like pot and cookie dough, and thankfully there are some great shows happening on this holiday to beat all holidays . Brutal Knights, the Nymphets and the Automatix are at Katacombes this Friday, while the Brains, the Shifters, Winslow and the Hellhounds, Forusofus, Dionysos, Chix and Dix are at Bar St-Laurent and les Psycho Riders play l’Escogriffe. If you want to get the most out of your weekend costume rental, don’t miss our own Melissa Auf der Maur, now playing under her initials MAdM, who previews her new indie record at Lion d’Or on Saturday, while Maximum RnR and the Grenades turn it up the same night at l’Escogriffe.

I want your skulls…JONATHAN.CUMMINS@GMAIL.COM