Illiterate twat

One wouldn’t think spelling should count when going up for the job of drug mule, but nonetheless a pop quiz on the spelling of the name Paul Sans gave officers in lieu of his own has netted the Portsmouth, NH, police two known criminals and a vagina full of cocaine.

Sans was chauffeuring Bryant Hogan and Alicia Kelley from a cocaine pick-up when he was pulled over for speeding. Having no valid driver’s license and already on the lam for being a fugitive from justice in Maine on burglary charges, Sans told police his name was Jonathan Brackett. When asked to spell that, Sans got as far as “J-O-T-H-A-N” before officers got suspicious. With everyone out of the car, a search turned up Sans’ true identity and a quick background check gave officers the rest of his story. That opened the door to Hogan’s own history of robbery and drug charges, whereas Kelley seemed pretty clean until she got to the station and decided she may as well pull out the 16 grams of blow she had stashed in her vagina, leaving everyone with bonus charges of possession and possession with intent to distribute on their rosters.

by SCOTT SAXON