Breaking up is good to do

Divorce and marriage counsellor isn’t afraid
to tell someone when to throw in the towel

by CHRIS BARRY

Name: Sharon Shenker

Age: 53

Occupation: Divorce coach/marriage counsellor

Bio: Not so many years ago, this pleasantly unassuming NDG gal and mother of two was going through her own divorce while working as a pre-school teacher at the daycare centre she owned called Child’s Play. Soon learning just how many parents of the toddlers she was minding were also facing marital challenges, “I started being asked to advise everyone with their own disputes all the time.” Upon closing down Child’s Play after some 10 years of operation to start up an arts centre where she could both teach ceramics and work on her own creations, Sharon once again found herself in the position of unofficial divorce/marriage counsellor to not only her students, but to all the friends of her students who’d heard about her wisdom with respect to these matters and kept coming to her for advice. “I finally just decided that I’d go back to school and get the degrees to do this professionally, which is what I did.” To contact her, either call her directly at (514) 804-3585 or go to divorcesupportplus.ca or lovingtherightways.com.

Has she ever found herself advising a couple to split because one of them is pretty well a monster whom nobody should ever have to suffer a relationship with? “Yes, unfortunately I’ve had to do this a few times. Once was when a woman admitted to me that she was having an affair with her husband’s best friend and was only staying with him for the money. Morally, I just couldn’t play along with this lie. I told her she had three weeks to make the decision to either stop seeing this other guy and start working on repairing her marriage or tell her husband their marriage was over. Not to tell him about the boyfriend necessarily, but to do one of those two things. That was the only way I could continue working with them. In the end, they split up and were both happy with the decision.”

Which gender is more likely to be getting a little action on the side? “It’s pretty well even. But these days women might be cheating a little more.”

Something she says most people don’t realize: How many men are emotionally abused by their spouses. “It would be nice if there were more resources for them. I see so many of these poor nice guys who’ve been totally torn apart and brought down as a result of these relationships.”

How often are ALL the problems in a relationship just one person’s fault? “Never.”

Is it not family law practitioners and their talent for conspiring to financially rape everyone involved the premier cause of serious grief on the divorce beat? “Those lawyers already hate me, you know. I once had a lawyer come straight up to me saying, ‘Why would I ever send you a client? All you do is take my money away from me.’ So I asked him, ‘Wouldn’t you prefer the reputation of being a lawyer who genuinely cares about the families you represent?’ And this man just looked at me incredulously and said, ‘No, I’d much rather have their money.’”

Musical preferences: James Taylor, James Blunt, Xavier Rudd.

Last book read: The Complete Superfoods Cookbook, by Michael van Straten.

Words of wisdom: “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times—always with the same person.”

Comments: dimwit@hdot.net