Wax and knob-polish

The suds, the heat, the wetness, the oddly mute, hairy-knuckled goons in fishing waders: who wouldn’t get a little bit randy at the car wash?

Whether or not the court will take all that into account when a 29-year-old Swan Creek Township, Michigan, man faces a judge for his indiscretions is yet to be seen, but at least one person didn’t think it so natural a reaction. Tough luck for the unnamed 29-year-old that that one person was the guy who witnessed him in the act of what police described as “receiving sexual favours from a vacuum cleaner.”

“Nothing wrong with a cock in a vacuum cleaner,” some might say. Police say otherwise. They were called to the car wash after a concerned citizen called in the early morning hours to report “someone acting suspicious.” Police Sgt. Gary Breidinger says the first officer on the scene parked at a safe distance from the car wash, then approached on foot. The officer caught the perp red-handed and purple-cocked and took him into custody.

by SCOTT SAXON