THIS WEEK: Hip hop kids, the Dodos,
the Weirdos!

PLUS: A giant wet penis!!

F Oh hi, you must receive lots of calls like this every week so I’m not sure if you’re going to print this. I’m sorry my English is not perfect but here it is. This goes to the young man who stole a 45 single from a band called THE WEIRDOS at le Pick-Up at Avenue des Pins on Saturday afternoon. First of all, you took advantage of when I was busy with super nice customers and honest people to do your little trick. And you were hypocrite enough to then chat with me at the counter before you left. My first thought which comes from maybe a PRIMAL animal aspect would be to call you names. Like cocksucker, asshole, etc, etc. But I won’t. I’ll be wiser than you. All I will say is, first rule, don’t ever come back to the record shop because I remember your face clearly. Okay? And second rule, don’t ever, ever put a foot, even one toe, to all the other record shops on St-Denis street, Mont-Royal or Avenue des Pins because what people might not know or what you might not be aware of is we all know each other. All the vinyl shops on Mont-Royal and St-Denis, we are all friends with each other and we all know each other—Le Pick-Up, Beatnik, Primitive, le Ren-Art Bleu, we all know each other. So please go back to your RICH PARENTS’ palace and stay there, okay? We sell vinyl, we are very nice people. We don’t make thousands and thousands of dollars every day like the huge music stores on Ste-Catherine street which I won’t name. But anyways, that’s all I wanted to say. So to all our other customers, you’re so nice and everyone’s nice and we love you. Okay, so this is my message to you, little punk. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, I was at the Dodos’ show last week and I saw this girl there who had longish blonde half-dreads, with a striped shirt, off-white and dark MAROON, I think. You need to go to the Malcolm Bauld show on October 25 at LBH. Yeah, later. [BLEEP!]

M I went to PORN POP at Cinema l’Amour and I thought it was the most degrading things I’ve ever seen in my fucking life. The only way GAY SEX can be accepted in this heterosexual world is in the context of a circus, a freak show. So next time you straight couples want to do something alternative, don’t come and make a circus of our sexuality. And for those self-hating homos that enjoyed it, keep watching Will and Grace. [BLEEP!]

M That Small Person’s rant about Metropolis and the crowds there really got me thinking—I don’t really think it has anything to do with size. I’m a bigger guy, 6’3” and whenever I go to Metropolis, there seems to be a larger portion of the crowd with the mentality that somehow the space that they choose to stand at is theirs and exclusively theirs. One of the beautiful things about Metropolis is that it’s a festival seating arrangement—you don’t have a spot assigned to you. The guy who’s standing on the 20th floorboard to the right of the stage isn’t entitled to stand on the 20th floorboard to the right of the stage. Being in a crowd means people have to work around each other, if not respect each other, and as a big guy, I definitely put myself at my advantage to get where I want to go. But I try to do that with respect and once I do choose a zone where there’s room to breathe, I’ll position myself as best as possible so I’m not annoying the people around me, not blocking anyone—especially girls. Some people assume that because I’m a big guy, I’m going to come and SMACK them the fuck out of the way, but I’m not going to do that. It’s basically a question of respect. But if you’re one of these people who plants themselves in one place and expects the world to fucking revolve around them, you know what? You should read your ticket. It says nothing, it says no seat, it says deal with the crowd. All right, anyways, I hope that the next show at Metropolis that I see is a good one and that you’re there and that, I don’t know, we can maybe have a KISS after the show. [BLEEP!]

F Okay, regarding hipsters, who cares? What is the big deal? Honestly, what are you guys, in high school? Seriously, there’s nobody who goes around saying, “I’m so cool.” You people who talk about hipsters like this, you are giving the impression that you have an inferiority complex, okay? Hipsters, they just dress a certain way and listen to certain music, like everybody else. As a group they are not HARMFUL to themselves or others! Seriously, people, get over it. [BLEEP!]

M Hey, Montreal. There’s been an awful lot of shit-talking about hipsters but you never hear anyone talking shit about the real obnoxious people—those stupid HIP HOP KIDS that take the bus. For some reason, they have to blast their fucking idiotic shitty hip hop music so that everyone on the bus has to hear it. I hate those idiots! I don’t want to listen to your stupid music!! I have my own earphones, I keep my music to myself. And don’t even get me started on the hip hop girls. Those stupid Baby Phat jackets that won’t even cover their stomach in the winter time, stupidest styles ever! And yet everyone’s crapping on hipsters!? I don’t even understand this stupid shit. [BLEEP!]

M I’ve had it. I’ve fucking had it with this GIANT PENIS of mine dipping into the toilet every time I sit down to take a dump. Seriously, I’m tired of it. All you little-dick guys in this city, count your blessings, stop bitching because you don’t know how you’ve got it. You get to stay dry every time you sit on the toilet. Goddamn. [BLEEP!]

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