Election
Notebook

>>A look at the uninspiring endgame
of a pointless campaign

by PATRICK LEJTENYI

• This will be the last Election Notebook for this federal campaign, and thank whomever you choose for that. Of all the contests waged in the recent past, this is by far the least inspiring and most pointless. The other, more interesting election to the south has higher stakes, more interesting personalities and a much more fascinating context, given the economic meltdown and bailout, red states trending purple, issues of race and growing panic over accessible health care. In Canada, consistently about two years behind the American political curve, the issues are elusive. The environment isn’t garnering the passion needed to pressure the Conservatives, the likely winners next Tuesday, to embark on any meaningful reform. The economy is finally acknowledged as a real problem, but the Liberals and Tories aren’t offering anything particularly new or exciting. And few people outside of eastern urban centres really care about the Conservative cuts to arts funding programs. Let’s get this thing over with. With any luck, the Conservatives will be handed a minority again, crap the bed when the Bay St. panic extends into the real world and we can revisit all this again in a couple of years.

• But what do the Conservatives stand for, really? Problem is, we don’t know—or at least didn’t by press time. The Conservatives either bizarrely or shrewdly only released their full platform last Tuesday, Oct. 7, thus ensuring that the platform won’t be around long enough for their opponents to scrutinize and pick away at it or for voters to really get a chance to digest it. Basically, this is a way of saying more of the same. Cynical, but clever. Well played, Mr. Harper.

• Both the Liberals and the Conservatives may be heading for a rough patch in this critical last weekend. The economy is plainly stumping the Harper brain trust, with their pro-business credentials perhaps not going over so well now, with voters facing the aftermath of idiotic decisions made by greed-crazed bankers. Harper hasn’t allayed any fears that the crisis in the U.S. will soon devour Canadians, especially when he dismissed Liberal Stéphane Dion during last week’s debates as a pantywaist too eager to push the panic button. Poll numbers show Harper slipping in some key ridings in Quebec, Ontario and B.C. The Liberals, meanwhile, are still suffering from fallout from their bitter civil war with the leak of Paul Martin’s memoirs. Martin squarely blames his PM predecessor Jean Chrétien for the sponsorship scandal and funding woes that lost them the last two elections.

• If anyone, especially if they’re dark-skinned, still has doubts as to whether the Bloc really represents all Quebecers, take a look at André Côté, the party’s candidate in Beauce, south of Quebec City. Discussing the Liberal Green Shift platform in a round table discussion with other candidates on a rural radio station, Côté described it as “un plan de nègre”—“a nigger’s plan,” meaning unworkable. When explained by the Green Party candidate that the term could, in fact, be construed as racist, Côté apologized, telling the Gazette that “any harm that I caused was inadvertent.”

• But enough hate and bile. Let’s end this on a light note, and for that we turn to the NéoRhino Party and its founder/candidate for Laurier-Ste-Marie (i.e. the Plateau), François (Yo) Gourd. In an exclusive interview with Election Notebook, (Yo) Gourd says the party’s platform is to abolish the military budget and financial windfalls for the rich. He also wants mandatory sex education “so everyone can have an orgasm at least once a week,” allow smiles on passport photos (“Right now it’s like, ‘Welcome to Canada, where everybody has a face de boeuf!’”), remove all weapons from the Canadian military and replace them with paintbrushes “so they can repaint the world,” and restore the national equilibrium between the left and right brain. Oh, and abolish the Canadian government. “We can become a federation of nations, like Europe,” he says. “And in order for Quebec not to drown in a sea of English, we want Quebec to join Cuba and create a new country called Cubec…. We even created a national drink, it’s Cuban rum and Quebec maple syrup and it’s unbelievable!” The party is only fielding seven candidates, but check out the Web site for more info: www.neorhino.ca. Happy voting!