Mad lieutenant

[Re. “Down with hipsters,” Letters, October 2]

Arthur Anonymous, if you went back and re-read my “sickening” letter from a few weeks ago, you won’t find any mention of starving, beret-wearing revolutionaries up in the Plateau. I was merely stating the Plateau continues to be home to a community that has traditionally been ideologically left-of-centre, and one that continues to be home to many artists and creative people.

Having said that, Anonymous Arthur, I will concede that if you’re living in a crack den/creative art space under a highway overpass, creating mind-blowing art installations from discarded tampons and an old Lite-Brite, then, yes, I will applaud you, sir, for having won the “Authentic Hipster Who Keeps It Real” contest. Of course, nobody will give a shit. But keep the trophy. Polish it while you masturbate to your rare Jack Kerouac manuscripts.  

But nobody will care, Anonymous. Nobody cares what you think about hipsters, liberals or my supposed abuse of said terms. And why the fuck would you care if I appropriated my countercultural references from ‘70s punks, from ’40s hepcats, or from your cousins up on Mount Royal who re-enact medieval battles every Sunday?

I wrote my letter to the Mirror because an ill-informed, petulant jerk was unfairly bitching about my neighbourhood. 

So why did you write your letter, chief? To tell me all the things that I’m not? You’re right, I’m probably not as creative as I’d like to think, but at least I’m not so miserable that I need to spew out accusatory bullshit towards others in order to hate myself a little less. I pity you, Arthur Anonymous, because the only thing more pathetic than self-disgust is publishing said disgust in a newspaper for everyone to see. 

As for the commie comparison I made, Captain Obvious, you’re right, I don’t actually believe the denizens of the Plateau to be communists—that’s some crack reporting! It’s called contextual relevance: re-read my original letter and figure it out. Also, dumbass, since when have being bourgeois and left-leaning been mutually exclusive? 

As for McGill tuition, university is expensive as hell and a luxury that many cannot afford, but compared to anywhere else on the continent, and by any devisable metric, McGill’s tuition and Montreal living are both cheap.

Finally, Arthur Anonymous, I applaud you for referencing Gramsci’s Equilibrium. As we both know, Gramsci’s is a phenomenon that refers to the balance between two or more hegemonic influences, resulting in a new societal zeitgei… awww, I’m only kidding—I hadn’t heard of Gramsci’s Equilibrium before I read your cute letter. I had to look it up on The Internets, because I’m a Plateau yuppie, and that’s how we roll.

Indeed, I would rather jog around Mount Royal Park, eat sushi and drink imported beer than slog through arcane philosophical theories. Does that disgust you, Anonymous? Would it drive you batshit insane to learn that I drive a BMW? Good, now get a fucking life.

Regards,

>> Lieutenant Canada

Latrine lament

As a Mirror-reading metro user, I regret the lack of restrooms in metro stations and also the lack of public washrooms or portable toilets in many other public areas of the city.

The elderly, those with children, the ill and those suffering from incontinence, along with many others, would find the metro more user-friendly if restrooms were available. For years they didn’t install restrooms in metro stations, fearing they would become magnets for crime.

But now that the police as well as the transit security agents patrol the metro system, such fears could be put to rest, and hidden cameras could also be installed at restroom entrances.

In the absence of restrooms in the metro, many people relieve themselves in the bushes outside various metro stations. Who wants to be greeted by urine-scented air when one walks into a metro station?

Up with sports

[Re. Sports supplement, September 25]

So, I was on my way back from school today, when I picked up a copy of the Mirror. I read this every week, and most of your stuff is pretty solid. I usually read Riff-Raff, the music reviews, and I always get a good laugh from the Rant Line.

Anyways, today when I picked up my copy of the Mirror, I noticed there was a sports section. Finally! I mean, OK, so you didn’t cover the Alouettes’ impressive beating of the Roughriders, but I mean, it’s a start. A sports section was what was lacking in this weekly journal, and I think this new section makes it a much better read. Anyways, thanks for putting a sports section in there, just letting you know it’s appreciated.

>> Andrew D.C.

Succinct summary

The Reform Party hasn’t gone away, and they still hate Quebec. Stephen Harper is the worst PM we’ve had the unfortunate experience of suffering with.

>> Pat, Calgary

WE WELCOME LETTERS TO THE EDITOR!