THIS WEEK: GBH, Tam/Liz Phair,
Kops Crew!

PLUS: Strip club etiquette!!

F I’m calling about Bloc Party. First of all, their show was awesome. Bloc Party, you make my life. But this little message goes out to all of the bitches that were in the crowd, mostly in the front right side. Especially the chick with the long hair and RED SHIRT. Listen, bitch, don’t bitch at me if I’m pushing you! The people behind me are pushing me! [BLEEP!]

M This is to the bitch at the GBH show that knocked my glasses off—she punched me in the face because she didn’t want to get thrashed in a thrash. Next time I see you, I’ll punch you in the face. Bitch. Fat bitch. Rockabilly bitch. Don’t go to a fucking punk show! You just cost me $1,000! Next time I see you, your glasses are broken and your LEGS are cut. [BLEEP!]

F Yeah, hi, this is TAM. I appreciate being written up about in the Pop Montreal booklet but I don’t know why they compare me to LIZ PHAIR. I’ve never even heard Liz Phair in my whole life and I probably wouldn’t like her if I did. So that’s all I have to say and I hope to see you all at the Nick Cave show. Bye. [BLEEP!]

M This is Rich Hard calling out to some of the Kops Crew. What’s up with all the misogynist shit? I was told that KOPS stood for Knowledge Over Power. It doesn’t take much knowledge to know the power of the images we create or who they empower. Images making reference to paedophilia—in this case, girls, because the dolls clearly have vaginas—images of women with tape over their mouths and GUILLOTINES over their vaginas are clearly made for one reason: to demean one and to empower another. No, I do not believe in censorship but I do believe in accountability. What are you trying to express creatively with these images? Are you trying to shock us? Are you saying that women make you feel sexually weak and you wish you had a girlfriend? Or you and your girlfriend broke up and now you’re mad? Well, why don’t you EMPOWER yourselves by learning how to make a woman cum and I mean really cum. As far as expressing your anger, why don’t you get in the ring with me for a few minutes? I got real fucked-up TEETH and a king tattooed on my forearm if you’re so inclined. I was not going to empower these images by leaving a rant but, as an example, when do we allow art to become a 50-year-old man following preteens in SHORT SKIRTS videotaping them in hopes of catching a glimpse of their underwear? Just because a person is an artist does not mean their work cannot propagate hate. This is a societal problem and it’s getting worse. P.S. The show in the Kops Crew exhibition space referencing Aleister Crowley is pretty phenomenal and disturbing. You should check it out. [BLEEP!]

F This is a rant going to people in Montreal. I just want to let you know that WOMEN LOVE PORN also. It’s not only men. I watch porn all the time. Almost every night. It makes me fall asleep so YAY to porn. More women should watch it. Bye. [BLEEP!]

M Yo Rant Line™. Dig this. I’m flying a CANADIAN FLAG in the Plateau, right, and some fucking cat puts this in my mailbox: “There’s too much English in the Plateau. Get out, you fucking bloke and bring your flag with you. Go back to your own country.” Now get this, man, I am in my own country and I can fly the Canadian flag whenever I want! So fuck him and, while I’m at it, fuck hipsters too. I hate the fucking music and the haircuts. [BLEEP!]

F I just want to rant about all of those Greeks and Italians that still speak with an ACCENT even though they’re third generation. The same with those black people, those Caribbeans. Look, just because your parents are Caribbean doesn’t mean you’re Caribbean, okay? Stop acting like you’re a ONE-TOOTHED immigrant, okay? You were born in Canada like the rest of us! [BLEEP!]

F This is in response to the SINGLE GIRL who complained that she doesn’t get asked out. I just want to mention that I’ve gotten hit on and picked up twice in the past two days without wearing any make-up and wearing the same clothes that I’ve been wearing for the past three days. Not that my clothes are DIRTY or anything and not that they’re provocative. I’m just walking around in jeans and a t-shirt. A chick picked me up, as well as a guy. So I don’t know if it’s because you’re wearing ugly clothes or if your face isn’t too good-looking, but maybe you’ve got to put a bit more effort into it. [BLEEP!]

F Okay, can somebody explain to me why it is that when men enter STRIP CLUBS, if they are not surrounded by COCK, they feel the need to leave, they feel uncomfortable. I don’t know how much better it could get for a fucking SLOUCH who’s going to go to a strip club to have all the women and hardly no men there. You should not be complaining and you should not be leaving! Maybe we should not be forced to go on the motherfucking stage when only one of you PEABODY motherfuckers is there, you understand? [BLEEP!]

M Somebody pinch me. I just saw a female sportscaster with black hair on TSN. Am I dreaming still? It’s 7:20 on a Sunday morning. I must be dreaming still. Somebody hit me with a bat. I didn’t think that was possible. They only have blonde girls on TSN. What’s going on here? Has the world TILTED while I was asleep? Please somebody help me. [BLEEP!]

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