Heinous conspiracies revealed!

[Re: “Truthers on the march” The Front, Sept. 4] Christopher Hazou’s interesting information on the planned Truthers demonstration in Ottawa on Thursday, Sept. 11 greatly intrigued us. Conspiracy theories everywhere and no one really trying to investigate! So we decided to invest some of our valuable time to research a few of the conspiracy charges in modern history. The findings were astonishing! The following are some in chronological order:

1915—The sinking of the RMS Lusitania.

OFFICIAL VERSION:  Murderous German submarines torpedo and sink American passenger liner.

CONSPIRACY THEORY: The Lusitania, in reality an American destroyer in disguise, was attacking a German submarine on a holiday cruise and its captain, in legitimate self-defence, had to protect his sailors. The fact was that the American military/industrial complex was looking for a pretext to declare war and occupy the vast, rich oil fields of Germany.

1938

CONSPIRACY THEORY: Under the guise of searching for peace, Neville Chamberlain, Prime Minister of England, met Adolf Hitler at Berchtesgaden in Germany. Chamberlain was carrying a bullet-firing umbrella attempting to assassinate the Fuhrer. The assassination attempt failed when his made-in-China umbrella misfired. 

Herr Hitler was not amused. The rationale for the attempt was that, with Hitler eliminated, the greedy British industrial interests would have acquired the enormous German/Austro-Hungarian oil fields for which they have long been lusting.

December 7, 1941

CONSPIRACY THEORY:  a squadron of Japanese air defence planes, while on a sightseeing tour of the Western Pacific, due to a mechanical malfunction, accidentally released a few bombs over Pearl Harbour. The powerful American oil industry immediately used the unfortunate accident to declare war on Japan in order to grab its world-famous huge, overflowing oil fields.

1963

CONSPIRACY THEORY: American President John F. Kennedy shoots himself in order to blame Cuba’s communist dictator Fidel Castro and thus give the USA a legitimate mandate to occupy the inexhaustible Cuban oil fields.

September 11, 2001

CONSPIRACY THEORY: When CEOs of the multinational trade and financial institution, with their headquarters in the twin towers of the World Trade Center in New York, were tipped off by geologists that enormous pools of crude oil were located under the Trade Center’s towers, they simply blew up the entire Trade Complex and blamed the deed on some vague international terrorists.

The findings of the above research are just the tip of our conclusions regarding the misleading official version of events.  We are presently working on a white paper, which will shock even the members of the Montreal 9/11 Truth movement. Please stay tuned for further results of the ongoing investigation.

>>Ed Binder

Cars for the poor

[Re: “Mechanics for the people,” People, Aug. 28] Just sending kudos to Lawrence Fraser, the classy mechanic from NDG who helps out people with their four-cylinder cars. I would love to get his e-mail if I ever get a four-cylinder. 

My only complaint is of the writer’s recycled, “let the poor eat cake and take public transit” whinging, the usual inanity from the chattering classes. You know, sometimes poor people like cars. Sometimes they even dream of activities that require driving a car to get there. 

And “taxing the poorest 20 per cent of the population” out of the right to drive (the ability to move freely should be a right, not a privilege) is a lot like making hockey the purview of the wealthy—the end result is that our national hockey team loses in the Olympics, and Sweden and Finland win. 

Sometimes the poor are the only ones with any class, brains, heart and determination in a country operated and ruled by gutless, security driven, conformist, middle-class retards. So, helping the poor to accomplish their personal goals might, in fact, be in your long-term interest.

If you want to help the environment, knock off the oil companies and start producing a car that runs on fuel made from potato oil. Or is that too big a bad boy to swallow for any realist that wants to have his or her head shoved firmly in the public trough until they expire into mandatory retirement?

>>J.G.

Correction

The correct address for Los Clásicos restaurant is 4561 St-Laurent. Also, several of the prices in the article were wrong; they have been corrected on our Web site (www.montrealmirror.com/2008/090408/resto.html).

We apologize for the error, and have told the writer to no longer use his frigging iPhone camera to surreptitiously take photos of the menu, but rather to go back to the tried-and-true method of writing notes.

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