Meet the new boss

By JACK OATMON

Well, the new recruits are in. V-neck t-shirt sales are soaring. References to the Fresh Prince and Degrassi High hijinks are being outstripped and outmoded as those who French kissed before entering a search field dwindle into minority. New and ever more cryptic forms of irony are being developed by the Youth Culture Command Council. The clubs are wallflowered with fresh-faced, awkward neophytes clumsily test driving their newly contrived bravado, just waiting to be transformed into cynical urban consumers. And a great deal of these peppy youngsters were born in a very different time than the rest of us. They were born in the ’90s, and now they’re certifiable, voting-age, university-attending adults.

So, all you wonderful young things who cannot picture David Bowie stealing babies and floating through a silver castle with a lion’s mane haircut juggling crystal spheres, this column is dedicated to you. This is for all the kids who never had to look at a fuzzily chroma-keyed Mighty Mite running away from stock CBC images of ant colonies. This is for everyone who hasn’t got a sweet fucking clue what the Cold War was!

NEW BOOMERS:
Guns N Bombs

As we all know, something that every new bar-going lunkhead needs to do is visit Foufounes Électriques. In years gone by, this information would probably have had no justifiable place in a dance music column. But things have changed and now you can go hear bleepy-bloopy computer music even there. So check it out this Friday as L.A.’s premiere glam electro duo Guns N Bombs visit for a DJ set.

Some say things have changed, but some things have developed into sophisticated contemporary analogues. Where we had Technotronic and Snap!, you’ve got Turbocrunk. So to get that oh-so-delicious serving of fresh techno production flogged to a pulp with the guttural remnants of hip hop, check out Coda Club on Saturday night. You won’t be let down.

That day, you should also remember the huge, free M for Montreal outdoor gig at Place des Vestiges in the Old Port, featuring the stacked line-up of Socalled, Karkwa, Radio Radio, Torngat, Misteur Valaire and Alfa Rococo. If you’ve got the global beat fever after that wraps up at midnight, cart your hemp braids over to Baile Funk at Zoobizarre with Filastine and Khiasma on the wheels of steel.

Raving may be the stuff of legend now and ecstasy but a mere footnote on the coke dealer’s out-of-stock disclaimer, but alienating outer-space music is still all the rage. And it comes in no more psychedelic and conceptual form than German production prodigies Digitalism. They return to town for a show at Club Soda on Tuesday, Sept. 9 with Thomas Von Party on the ones and twos.

Now for all you folks who started to get queasy when my crew from the ’80s began to hit the clubs a decade ago, you children of the riff-rockin’, stadium-packin’ ’70s, I have a bit of sad news. You’re now officially over the hill, so shove off and make some room already, will ya? Logan’s Run style. You should be off draining 750ml Molson 50 in the choucrouterie or shopping for ceiling tiles with your peers, or whatever the heck it is you people do. Scram!

DANCE, MAGIC DANCE! jack.oatmon@gmail.com