THIS WEEK: Pirates, percussionists,
cheap studios!

PLUS: Technological mystery solved!!

M Hey Rant Line™. I just want to say that Montreal PERCUSSIONISTS are all a bunch of whiny, unbalanced, unprofessional babies and most of them can’t play worth a shit. [BLEEP!]

F Hi, there’s this group that calls themselves, Pirates of St-Henri, uh sorry, Pirates of the Lachine Canal. They’re trying to do a St-Henri hipster thing. But we went to their party tonight and the jams were weak. All I’m saying is it’s budget, not fun and just basically ruining the rest of a good part of town. Thanks, good night. [BLEEP!]

F I just read the Rant Line™ from that SAD SAP who’s complaining about concerts being during the week. Listen, the bands are doing their JOB as well! I’m pretty sure they don’t want to be rocking out on a Monday or a Tuesday night, but it’s their job. They’re going all over the WORLD, touring, wherever they play that night, they’re playing. So get over it. [BLEEP!]

M This is to the guy last week that posted about a $9 an hour recording studio. Listen, I work as a sound engineer at a $150 an hour studio downtown, and it’s a cause for concern if every newbie out there charges ridiculously low rates at their studios. The actual GOOD recording studios in Montreal that have hundreds of thousands of dollars of equipment and years of experience, well, those studios are going to have to just lower their rates or they’re going to go out of business. I mean, it’s already tough with record labels not giving any money for production. Professional studios are closing doors left and right. And, anyway, just because he plays in Blessed by a Broken Heart and his record was produced by GGGarth doesn’t mean he knows what he’s doing. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

M Thanks for posting that rant about that Frank Daniel Music recording studio. I went there and it was really under $10 an hour. And I have to admit, I thought it was going to be complete shit but I was super impressed. It was very professional. I’d like to say something else. Screw all these expensive recording studios—I’ve been ripped off by so many of them. I’m very pissed off about that and, finally, there’s a studio that charges a low rate and actually gives a good PRODUCT. I hope more studios do this because most musicians can’t afford $60 an hour. [BLEEP!]

F Hey. This is for the guy who wants his LPs put on CD or DVD. There’s a place on Ste-Catherine street on the corner of Gladstone, it’s right across the street from Westmount Square. They specialize in digitization services and it’s very clearly advertised on the front. [BLEEP!]

M This is for the guy who wants to put LP’s on CD. If you go to Encore Books at 5670 Sherbrooke West and ask for my friend Sam, he can do that for you. [BLEEP!]

M For the guy who wanted to get his vinyl transferred, I’m pretty sure Mike at Red Rhino can help you out. I went to him and he did a great job for me and it didn’t cost much at all. I’m pretty sure his e-mail address is mike@redrhinorecording.com. [BLEEP!]

F If you go to Movieland, on the corner of Ste-Catherine and Fort, they have this guy who can do it for you. I don’t remember his name or his phone number, but you can just go to Movieland. Bye. [BLEEP!]

M Hey Rant Line™. This is Rats. A response to the guy who’s looking to put his old LPs on CD. Um, I can do that for you. That’s not a big deal. But I can also show you how to do it if you have a turntable and a computer. Very, very easy, not complicated. All you need is the proper software—which I happen to have. You can contact me at telecomrevolution@gmail.com. I’ll furnish you not only with the software, I’ll also show you exactly how to do it, because there’s a thing you have to do where you hook up your turntable to your computer. It’s fairly easy but you have to have the right cords to do it. So get in contact with me as soon as possible. Okay. [BLEEP!]

M Okay, let me get this straight: It’s cool to be in Mont-Royal park and SELL DRUGS down around the statue but when you’re out of the way, deliberately across the street from the park where the children play, to smoke marijuana that is prescribed for you from the Compassion Club, and you’re trying to REKINDLE a relationship with your wife of seven years, then the police come by and hassle you and give you the hardest fucking time? And then, meanwhile, just 20 yards away, you have dealers. I mean, thank God, I wasn’t LATINO sitting there from Mexico or Central America because we probably would have gotten fucking shot. [BLEEP!]

M So me and my friend were on the corner of Ste-Catherine and St-Laurent, we were going to a bar, right? We’re waiting for another friend, right, and this TRANNIE walks by and it broke its heel and my buddy walks with a cane, right? So the trannie starts hitting on him and says, “Hey, can I use your fucking cane?” and “I broke my heel.” And my friend’s, like, “No, what the fuck? How the hell did you break your heel?” And I turn and I say, “Well, dude, it’s a 180-lb man wearing a skirt and heels, how the hell do you think the heel broke?” And the thing gets pissed off at me. What the fuck? [BLEEP!]

F I’m pissed off that I haven’t heard of this Rant Line before™. Why have I never heard of it before? And I’m so happy, actually, that it really does exist. I’ll be calling back. [BLEEP!]

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