Higher learning

By JACK OATMON

It’s happening again. The alleyways are rife with scavengers, rifling and sifting through the rejected detritus of a thousand moving households. The evenings are getting perceptibly cooler. The hot pants are going on sale. And the jelly-bellied, gawking tourists are rapidly being replaced by yet another debt-accruing, Gross Domestic Product-stimulating crowd of visitors to our fair city: students.

I love students. In fact, I am one. And as students represent a key readership demographic for Your Humble Narrator’s in-depth musings about arts and entertainment, I cannot but embrace them with open arms. So welcome back, students! Please enjoy yourselves, eat, drink and be merry, spend a great deal of borrowed money, listen to lots of funky dance music, and continue to make my position necessary!

ANTHEM AFFINITY:
Broadcast Radio

You might be thinking, “What do I get out of this damn arrangement other than a few headaches and the occasional bout of the clap?” I’ll tell you what. You read this column and live like a hedonist for me, and in return I’ll tell you what to do. I know that may sound like some Tom Sawyer kind of grift where I get to boss you around. But hear me out—the things I’m going to tell you to do are going to be really fabulous. You might not believe me now, but check this out. The first week’s advice will be free. Deal? Okay, great. You won’t regret this.

For starters, head up to Sala Rossa on Friday, August 29 to catch locals Broadcast Radio as they launch their new album, Hallways of the Twenty-First Floor. It’s the sort of melancholy pop for which I have a great guilty affinity. The tunes are of a style that this part of Canada excels at churning out, featuring subtly-layered orchestral folk rock with nods to ‘90s college anthems.

Next, on Saturday, August 30, cruise over to Cagibi to witness another new album being let loose, this time in the wacky realm of ambient laptop techno. The Fold’s eerie, cerebral forays of sonic experimentation deftly toe the line between alienating mechanical cacophony and introspective daydreaming. They’ll be appearing with Louis Dufort, Freida Abtan and ScrAtch Kamstra. If you’re more in the mood for the bone than the brain that night, opt for an evening of fun-loving, skull-numbing B-more style beats and breaks with Cobra Krames at Coda. Say that five times fast!

Sunday night, being as it’s the eve of a statutory holiday, shall be another evening of merriment. I suggest catching one last edition of Weekends Never End at Korova before they can the night for good.

Early in the week, you’ve also got a few other things to look into. If you’re feeling like having a little gamble, drop by Les Saints on Tuesday and find out if British new ravers Does It Offend You, Yeah? are as cheesy as they seem. Perhaps better, and definitely cheaper, would be to investigate a fabulous new idea for a night called Time Capsule Tuesdays. It’s at Green Room, and DJs explore a different year every week to full kitschy, nostalgic effect.

I reckon that’s enough for now. I think you’ll agree that we’ve got a bright future ahead of us working together, you and me. Do all that, and then come back for more in a week.

Now go, my pretties! Go and do my bidding!

THE DEVIL’S ABACUS… jack.oatmon@gmail.com