Dear Sasha, My wife and I are curious about double penetration (or DP—vagina and anus). We have a good friend in mind to help us out, so to speak. I’m wondering if you can offer me any resources besides porn.
-Glen Millard, Manchester NH
Dear Glen,
I’ll never forget my initial confusion over the term DP. For years my mother has used the acronym to describe how her family was pejoratively referred to when they came over on the boat from Holland—DPs, displaced persons. Years later I saw the term on the back of porn boxes and thought it an insensitive, but not surprising given the adult industry, way to refer to the sudden influx of East European women making their way into Western hardcore.
I was wrong, but actually, those ladies from behind the Iron Curtain were among the first I saw performing this act. And therein lies the key word: performing. It’s absolutely essential that you get some non-pornographic guidance and you can trust adult actress and sex activist Nina Hartley to assist you with her video Guide to Double Penetration. It’s the 23rd title in Nina’s educational series and despite the occasional awkward editing, is one of the best.
Nina calls DPs the “trifecta of three-way sex” and says, “This is a situation where ‘spontaneity’ is not what you want.” She talks about negotiating a DP in great detail and asks the all-important question when it comes to corporal real estate, “Who’s going to be the butt guy?” Nina speaks passionately and positively about women who are super horny for men and how stimulating it is to have, “All that masculine attention on your flesh.”
The Guide to Double Penetration is well worth purchasing (you can get it online for around 30 bucks. For Canadian readers, it can be purchased through Come As You Are, www.comeasyouare.com) because not only does it feature sound advice, but two superbly shot sex scenes, one of Nina doing her first on-camera DP!
For longtime Nina fans, this is a big treat. I’ve been watching her films for years and this is one of the first times I’ve ever seen her go nearly feral. It’s unbelievably sexy and so inspiring to know that sexual-self discovery—even for the professional—persists well into your late forties and beyond. My advice after watching it? If you don’t have one already, get yourself a large mirror because you won’t want to miss one single angle.
I would definitely supplement this video with Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Anal Sex. Unless your gal grew up Catholic, she’s probably better versed in vaginal intercourse than anal and you may need some anatomy lessons to help skilfully navigate the backdoor. As Nina says herself, a DP takes a relaxed anal player and Tristan’s video offers a thorough anatomy lesson, some demonstrations and several sex scenes to get your juices flowing.
Dear Sasha, I’m getting pretty serious with a woman and we’re even discussing marriage. We’re very sexually active, three to four times a day. Normally in a relationship I’m premature or normal, but with her it takes over two hours to come and even then, I have to be in control. This happens because she’s not tight enough. It just feels like nothing for me and I’m not sure how to ask her to do some Kegels or try vaginal cones. Sorry if this sounds rude, but this is something I need help with.
-Swimming in San Diego
Dear Swimming,
Let the ability to communicate around sexuality with humour, self-deprecation and tact become a trend in all your intimate relationships. Here’s how I might raise this issue: “Perhaps you have noticed that it takes me a long time to come. I feel this may be because our genitals are slightly mismatched. Rather than me going through a pricey and excruciating enlargement surgery, how would you feel about chipping in for some Luna Balls or maybe just practicing Kegels?” You might also suggest doing Kegels together, ensuring that you both live longer lives as continent lovers.
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