THIS WEEK: Wolf Parade, Tokio Hotel, Dopethrone!

PLUS: We are NOT the world!!

M Hey, this is DWC. It’s one o’clock Saturday afternoon. I’m flipping through the radio stations. How come we have on our Montreal stations America’s Top 40? Screw the Americans! Let’s have Canada’s Top 40! Or 20. [BLEEP!]

F This is to the cock blocker who dissed my Paul McCartney. Do you know how much money he brought to Quebec on that night? Do you know how many waitresses were able to put away a nice little stash in their BRAS and go home and probably spend it all on cocaine, weed and Ben & Jerry’s all because of a fabulous night that they probably would have never had because of the low fucking American dollar bill and NO TOURISTS coming and it’s Quebec-fucking-City, nobody goes there and French guys don’t tip very well? So, Paul McCartney, thank God you came. It was a free concert. God bless you. [BLEEP!]

M Hi. I just wanted to know why the Mirror had a picture of Ludacris in the music listings that’s actually a picture of a WAX MANNEQUIN. Couldn’t you find a real picture of Ludacris? [BLEEP!]

M Hi, this is a message for people who go to shows and keep TEXTING. What the fuck are you doing? Can’t you just live in the moment? What else do you do? Do you eat while taking a shit? Please, put the phone or Blackberry down and allow the rest of us to enjoy the show. Otherwise, next time, if I see you at a show and you’re texting, I’m going to send you an instant message of my own. It’s called my fist in your face. Ciao. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, what’s up, Rant Line™? About a week ago, I went to the Katacombes to see this band called Dopethrone, some kind of doom stoner rock stuff. Those guys were fucking amazing—like Sabbath, like Iron Monkey, like Bongzilla, man. Amazing, man. Fucking Dopethrone, man. [BLEEP!]

F Wolf Parade. Holy fuck, you are all fucking magic. And you, on the keyboards, if you ever are in need of blood or VITAL ORGANS, you can have all of mine. No one has cut through me the way you do. You get my mind to seize fire. You set off demolition explosions in my heart. You take away the shake in my knees. Your magic is cosmic. You’re like SHIVA and BABY JESUS and MINERVA and a nebula combined. I’m sure you’re the type that doesn’t like compliments, but I don’t know what else to do. I’m about to explode after seeing that show. Most of the time, I’m pissed to be living in a world full of apathy and destruction, but tonight I know I am alive at the most perfect time ever. [BLEEP!]

M Montreal is like Toronto? Are you kidding me? Is this for real? Why don’t you try taking a stroll east of the Main and tell me if you still feel like you’re in Toronto. [BLEEP!]

F Hey there. I just read the Rant Line™ and something got me very fired up and I felt the urge to call in myself. This is about the girl who was discussing the bands that go to AFRICA. I feel I have to add on something too—not just about bands but just about people caring so much about Africa in general. I’m SICK and TIRED of it but I’ve always been too afraid to voice my opinion because if I say, ‘Oh, who gives a fuck about Africa?’ people are going to think I’m a racist and a bigot. But, honestly, it has nothing to do with the fact that these people are black, it just has something to do with the fact that it’s an old boring tired fucking subject! My dad talks about how he used to hear about starving Africa when he was 12 and, you know what, he’s fucking 53 now, okay? Africa’s been starving forever, okay? And whatever happened to the idea of charity beginning at home? I mean, sure, it’s sad—I don’t want any kid to be hungry—but there are bums in our metros, there are those punk rocker kids with their ROTTWEILERS who need money all the time. You know, I just don’t understand the logic. It pisses me off so much, these people with these God complexes, the Madonnas and the Bonos and the Oprahs of the world who are always going on about Africa. It’s nothing new. It’s not even about these people not having food—I think the real issue is safe sex. Instead of giving them rice, why don’t we give them lessons on safe sex? They should stop having fucking kids and there’d be less mouths to feed! If you can’t even feed two kids, why have 34 more!? You see these infomercials for Africa and this person is sitting in this hut and it says, “This poor woman can’t feed her children.” Why does she have 13 kids? And if you’re starving, how do you even have the energy to fuck so much? Oh, it just sickens me, it honestly does. But I’m glad that someone mentioned it so that I can add my own opinion. [BLEEP!]

M Hey, there’s a serious problem with BICYCLING in the city of Montreal and my girlfriend just had an incident occur which illustrates it all too scarily. She was driving on Sherbrooke street and she saw a woman get HIT BY A TRUCK. The truck honked before it hit her but then it still drove away. My girlfriend got off her bike and helped the woman and after the woman rode away, my girlfriend looked and her bike was gone. She saw this guy riding away with it and tackled him and stopped him. But anyway, bike thieves, stop it. Trucks, be nicer. [BLEEP!]

M Hey, to that punk who just stole the Raleigh bike that I just bought for 225 bucks near the corner of Christophe-Colombe and St-Zotique, I worked hard and paid for that bike and you just come along and you steal it. You know what? I hope your bones turn BRITTLE and break and I hope your teeth SHATTER in your head. You think you deserve more what I work for than I do? I hope somebody breaks into your house and steals all your stuff. But, then again, you’re probably some JUNKIE SCUM who doesn’t have anything worth stealing anyway. I hope you die. [BLEEP!]

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