Hole-some love

In the not-so-faraway Land of Bad Sex Decisions, down Woke Up With Fatty Alley and just a short jaunt past Sheep Also Have Anuses Lane, there is a steel bench, designed with numerous holes to prevent rain from pooling. It would, in fact, be very much like the bench gracing the perimeter of Hong Kong’s LianTan Park.

But even in the Land of Bad Sex Decisions, most know better than to fuck a steel bench. Not so in LianTan Park. Shake hands with Xing, who nearly lost his wang when he decided giving it to a hole in a steel bench was just the sort of off he wanted to be getting.

According to police, Xing was inspired to have a go at the wee holes on the bench. Though not fully aroused when he inserted himself into its cold embrace, once Xing’s “Little Red Book” started swelling, his girth made it impossible to extract himself. He panicked and called police.

Emergency workers arrived to find the man face down on the bench. Unable to free him, they carried Xing, bench and all, to hospital. Doctors managed to get Xing loose, but said Xing’s penis was very nearly a goner.

by SCOTT SAXON