To protect
and serve
dinner

The complexities of a Subway sandwich are numerous and not everyone can handle them. So when a 42-year-old construction worker trying to get his sub made the right way lost all faith in the sandwich monkey behind the counter of a Jacksonville, Florida, Subway, he turned to the people he thought best qualified: the police.

According to a Subway employee, Reginald Peterson began “hollering at everyone” when he learned that the Spicy Italian he’d ordered had no sauce on it. Peterson then stepped outside and called 911 on his cell phone, asking that police be dispatched to enforce the correct procedure for making a sub. When they didn’t arrive quickly enough, Peterson called 911 again. Meanwhile, the manager of the Subway took advantage of Peterson’s exit from the shop to lock the door. When police arrived, they attempted to explain what emergency calls are supposed to be used for, but Peterson remained unrepentant. He was arrested and now has charges of making false 911 calls to add to his priors for burglary, battery and disorderly intoxication.

by SCOTT SAXON