Mailbag!

by JACK OATMON

Dear Jack,
We will be vacationing in the Old Town Montreal from Aug 1 to 6, 2008 and would like to see a list of events you could recommend. We are middle-aged and love outdoor concerts and plays. We enjoy eating at restaurants that are not tourist spots. We like live entertainment such as comedy shows. We love dancing and are currently taking salsa lessons. We would like to rent bikes one day and see parts of Montreal that are best viewed by bike. —Misguided in Michigan

Dear Misguided,
In spite of my continuing bafflement as to why affluent American tourists bombard me with requests for vacationing advice each summer, particularly given the fact that I normally cater more to the cocaine-and-Chlamydia crowd than wicker-patio-set types such as yourselves, I’m glad to be of help! In fact, concealed beneath this young, inebriated, iconoclastic shell is a nearly retired yuppie just like you who freaks out about stuff like cracked patina finish, exposed ceiling medallions, highland scotches and moist Habaneros.

ALL SHOOK UP: The Unsettlers

In that spirit, let me just start by saying that if you want to be where the local unwashed masses eat and dance and procreate and all that sort of thing, you’ll have to mosey on out of the Old Port. Though we do sometimes head down there for a lark and attend some of the overpriced bars that consider themselves trendy, we do it sparingly and largely in an ironic capacity. Having said that, if you do want to check out a cool spot while you’re there, perhaps a cocktail at VersesBar of the Hotel Nelligan, a fabulous boutique hotel I recently visited, would provide an hour’s entertainment. Make sure to peep the terrasse on the roof.

Restaurants are a tricky business in Montreal, land of scuzzy bathrooms and flippant servers. But I would suggest you pop by the Sala Rossa restaurant at 4848 St-Laurent for some calamari, particularly on Saturday, August 2, when Hank & Lily, Ladies of the Canyon and the Unsettlers, three unbelievably talented folk/rockabilly/country outfits, play live upstairs in the concert hall.

One of my favourites for sheer Montreal-ness, and a good excuse to visit the Plateau, is l’Avenue on Mont-Royal, where tandoori salmon, legendarily gaudy decor and weird techno music unite to make a unique, slightly frightening dining experience.

As for cycling, one of my preferred routes is to bike through Old Montreal along the cycle path and swing around Ave. Pierre-Dupuy to Pont de la Concorde. You see Habitat 67 along the way and end up on the beautiful Ile Ste-Hélène, home of the geodesic dome designed by Buckminster Fuller himself, and La Ronde amusement park. Then you can come back across Pont Jacques-Cartier for a full circuit to the downtown area. And while you’re there, in light of your interest in outdoor music events, you could attend the excellent Osheaga outdoor festival for a wide variety of music and arts.

As for the salsa dancing, Salsathèque on Peel has a light-up disco dancefloor and plenty of salsa enthusiasts, so perhaps you could brave that wild frontier. I hope you have a great stay in gorgeous, run-down scum-pit Montreal, and please let me know if there’s any more I can do to help you find what you’re looking for!

AS CONFUSED AS YOU ARE… jack.oatmon@gmail.com