Dear Sasha, My lover and I have a healthy and lively sex life. We share our fantasies and indulge each other by acting on them. I’m very open and I have enjoyed everything we’ve tried.
Recently, he asked me if I would engage in some watersports, which I did and he seemed thrilled with this new addition to our sex life. But then he wanted to involve feces. He showed me some porn that had girls shitting, pissing and puking on each other and even eating it. I was stunned into silence.
I love that he is open, but this is the first time I don’t understood one of his fantasies. It seems juvenile, like something an eight-year-old boy would laugh about with his friends. I’ve read about it, in order to understand why it’s arousing, but I haven’t found anything useful.
I know I can refuse to do this, and he will accept—but it’s changing my opinion of him. It’s not doing the act that bothers me, it’s that I just don’t understand the appeal. Do you know anything about this? What is it about piss, shit and puke that triggers excitement in someone? I just want to understand, because I’m starting to look at him differently.
-Grossed Out
Dear Grossed,
We haven’t really talked about it since, not naked anyway, but my boyfriend also couldn’t wait to show me “2 Girls 1 Cup.” Go online and you’ll find jillions of response videos, at least a couple of dozen with an unwittingly kinky Freudian twist: people, with unabashed lascivious glee, making their parents watch it. We are fascinated and/or revolted one and all by this excrement sex thing, but if you want to talk origin and appeal, I find Freud himself—despite the fact that his theories are steeped in the social mores of his time—makes some interesting points, specifically in his essay The Universal Tendency to Debasement in the Sphere of Love (www.ncf.edu/hassold/FinDeSiecle/freud_debasement.htm): “……sexual instincts find their first objects by attaching themselves to the valuations made by the ego—instincts, precisely in the way in which the first sexual satisfactions are experienced in attachment to the bodily functions necessary for the preservation of life.”
In other words, people develop sexual fixations towards shit (and I would extend that to vomit, adding to that an exciting element of loss of control) because they were praised for doing them, they feel good and they’re vital to life. Who can argue with such positive motivations?
The problem is of course, no matter how much psychological theory you throw at this fetish in an effort to make it more tolerable, you’re still looking at a partner who wants to take a crap on you or vice versa, something which I’m afraid most people have as much interest in as having a composting bin that’s been stewing in the summer heat dumped over their head.
And yes, there is something distinctly juvenile about it. (One does wonder what Freud would have to say about all these people filming the folks who changed their diapers watching a coprophilia video).
I’m also going to guess part of your concern is due to the fact that you’re worried all these other fantasies you willingly explored were simply pit stops on the way to this one unappealing fascination. It’s not hard to come across shit when you fuck, what with it being indigenous to one of the popular holes and all, but deliberately incorporating it? Hold up.
To Thanks, who wrote in last week about a male escort for female client services, from Mary:
“How very interesting that you would receive a letter about male escorts when I’ve been trying to summon the courage to write you asking where to find one.
Simply put, I’m an unattractive female. I don’t get hit on and I’ve never been on a date. It’s been over three years since I last had sex. I have toys that take care of any immediate needs but the one thing I miss, and would like, is touch.
I recently read an article on massage parlours that offer happy endings to female customers. The letter writer could offer a massage service along these lines as well as full service. I would gladly hire him.”
Got any questions for Sasha? E-MAIL: POULEDELUXE@YAHOO.COM
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