Dildo damage

Dear Sasha, I have been careful with my silicone dildo because I want him around for a while. I wash him according to instructions, use only water-based lube and put a condom on him when I share. Regarding this last bit of attention, I just recently found something out that I can’t believe I didn’t know or even just clue into: lubricated condoms are treated with silicone lubricant! I have yet to notice any damage but I wanted your opinion on the possibility for incremental damage.

-Sita

Dear Sita,,

“Most condoms are lubricated with a silicone water hybrid,” says Gill Lamon at Come As Your Are. The store did its own independent tests on some silicone dildos, leaving condoms on them for several days and they noticed no problem other than the fact that it was totally disgusting separating a gummy old condom from a dildo. It seems there is simply not enough silicone in these lubes to do any serious damage. Still, if you are concerned, you can use unlubricated condoms (but remember to use your own lube on it as breakage rates go up) or one with a water-based lubricant like the Kimono MicroThin with Aqua Lube.

Dear Sasha, Eleven years ago, my wife and I were fighting a lot so I decided to take a walk to cool off next to the water. While I was there, a lady came by and stood 20 feet away and started to cry a bit. I asked her if there was anything that I could do and she replied, “Have a coffee,” so we walked to the nearest restaurant and sat down where she told me that she had an argument with her husband and that all they do is argue. I explained to her that I was in the same boat and that was the reason I was there. Over the years, we have been meeting secretly, going for walks, movies, plays, concerts and so on, and for the past two years, we have been sleeping together. We both do not have relations with our spouses at all and there is no contact at all. We live with them and we are both very unhappy at home.

Debbie is 61 and I am 54 and we love each other very much and enjoy our time together. There is no fighting, yelling and calling each other “stupid,” as we both have been called in the past. I love her very much and I want to spend the rest of my life with her, and her with me, but we both feel guilty regarding our spouses. We know that if we stay as is, our lives at home will not change and we will always be unhappy. Is it wrong for the two of us to want a better life for ourselves, knowing that if we stay it will never get better? We have both been through the marriage counsellor part and it never worked.

—Desperate Lover

Dear Desperate,

You lose your doctor’s licence for malpractice. You lose your driver’s licence for reckless driving. The only reason some bureaucrat hasn’t marched into your home and yoinked your marriage licence away is because matrimony is not policed the same way. Desperate, you have already left your wife and she you. Debbie has also left her husband and he her. What else do you want me to tell you? Oh, here’s something: you’ve all probably got about another 25 years to live, 10 of that in diapers (maybe more, depending on your sexual interests). Bottom line: do you want someone who likes you changing your diapers or someone who hates you changing your diapers?

You have one go round here, and if guilt is the only thing stopping you from making it as joyful as possible… well, that is simply not a good enough reason. Guilt is a self-imposed, self-centred way of prohibiting change or self-improvement. It is cowardice dressed up as compassion. Look deeper. Perhaps you are really just concerned that making your affair official will subject it to a similar fate as your deceased marriages.

Got any questions for Sasha? E-MAIL: POULEDELUXE@YAHOO.COM