THIS WEEK: Bran Van, RZA, GZA, MSI,
Paul McCartney!

PLUS: Canada Day fireworks deemed weak!!

M Hi there. I just want to say that I just went to the Bran Van 3000 show. It was good but it’s not what I want to talk about. You know, there was a little dancefloor in front of the stage, people paid to be there, that’s what I heard, and people were supposed to dance in front of the stage. But they were barely moving! All they were doing was CHAIN-SMOKING cigarettes and drinking beer. It was pretty fucking lame, man. People waited for four, five hours in the middle of the fucking sun just to see Bran Van, and all they saw was a bunch of chainsmoking motherfuckers standing around and blocking the eyesight of everybody else. Before the show, people were saying, “Sit down, sit down”—well, guess what? They shouldn’t have had to sit down, they should have been gone. All right, peace out. [BLEEP!]

M After watching today’s RZA and GZA show at the Metropolis, I fully acknowledge to myself that I will never return to another Wu Tang event. I’d rather chill at home and listen to Liquid Swords with the nostalgic feeling of being 13 again than watch a 45-year old drunken man not be able to finish his sentences. Bong bok. [BLEEP!]

M Ok, so I went downtown to see the RZA and GZA Liquid Swords Bobby Digital presentation and I was blown away. GZA’s been singing that album for 13 years and still did an unbelievable show. Bobby Digital was unreal with the live band and he even played classics from the Gravediggaz, which I thought was not possible, since RZA was in Gravediggaz. But any which old ways, anybody who thought that the show was too expensive or wasn’t any good, you don’t know what the hell is going on. How many times before have you seen RZA and GZA on the same playbill? Peace. [BLEEP}

M Yeah, like, Friday morning, 8:41, I’m watching MuchVibe and I’m realizing that Cadence Weapon is the worst rapper alive. Awful. It was really god awful. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

F Yeah, this is for that little gay dude with the glasses who was GRINDING all over his boyfriend at the MSI show last night. Listen, dude, if you get really pissed off because people are knocking into you and pushing you while they’re dancing and having a good time, then you shouldn’t go to shows. You should stay at home in your mama’s basement, listening to CDs and having guilty, awkward pretend sex with your boyfriend. Okay? [BLEEP!]

M Even more proof Montreal’s starting to really suck and be like Toronto. Everything’s getting expensive. There are no more punks, hippies, ravers—everyone looks like they’re dressed from the Gap and American Apparel. And yeah, police everywhere. It’s like we’ve become like PURITAN or something again. There are no good punk shows happening, there was a metal fest but even there, people weren’t moving around. Montreal’s really dead and boring right now. I’m confused and thinking maybe I should go see Toronto to see if it’s more like Montreal? [BLEEP!]

M Not only does our lack of dancing follow close on the heels of Toronto’s, but our Jazz fest this evening harboured a 6’6” GOON of an audience member who took to sneering back at me every time I kept SNAPPING my fingers lightly to the rhythm. Go figure, huh. Where are we going? [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, I’m a 48-year old French Quebecer, je suis née à Montréal, and I just heard that Paul McCartney is going to play in Quebec for free. Now I can just picture the FRENCH MEDIA saying, “Why does such a symbol of British culture play at the 400th anniversary of the birth of Quebec City?” Well, let’s just go out and enjoy the music of a member of maybe the greatest rock band ever and forget all this shit about language! I’ll be there, standing in the 400th row because I saw him at the Forum in ’89—of course I wasn’t at the Forum in ’64—and it feels good to hear that music! [BLEEP!]

M Hello everybody. How many people celebrated for Canada Day this weekend, huh? Last year, I didn’t celebrate in Montreal, I celebrated in Toronto, but obviously a lot of things have changed since then. Okay, walking down the street with my wife and two children, I get HECKLED by French people for wearing a Canadian flag. What the hell is wrong with these people? Like, what the fuck, man? I was with my kids, man! Go heckle someone else, some dude with his friends—oh, wait, you won’t because he might turn around and kick your ass because he doesn’t have his kids with him. Second note, where the fuck were the fireworks? We had this DJ dude come along with his LITTLE LIGHT SHOW but there was no fucking fireworks. None. What the hell’s wrong? Shit, two years ago when I came, there was fucking fireworks a fucking 1,000 feet up in the air, they shut down the Jacques Cartier bridge that they could fucking have the fireworks. But not anymore?! What? Is it not good enough? Canada Day, man—in Quebec? No good. Next time, go to Ottawa or Toronto, maybe you might see some fireworks. [BLEEP!]

M Those Canada Day fireworks at the Old Port were weak, bro. Fucking weak. For shame. [BLEEP!]

F Hi, this is for the girl who was ranting about techno and being called a lesbian just because she was a woman with an OPINION. I just have to say that I really wish you were a lesbian because, man, I could not have said that better myself. If you ever decide to change scenes, give me a call, baby! [BLEEP!]

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