What’s green and stinks?

by ERIK LEIJON

Of all the ridiculous comic book characters ever created, Bruce Banner, aka The Incredible Hulk (Multi/Sega, Edge of Reality), is probably the toughest to adapt into a plausible, enjoyable movie.

Computer graphics and green screen technology (no pun intended) have come a long way since a body-painted Lou Ferrigno camped it up ’70s TV style, but it’s still hard to convey any genuine emotions (besides rage) when you’re a computer-generated beast with a face vaguely resembling Edward Norton’s. A video game adaptation of said film doesn’t have much of a chance either.

I’ll preface my review of the ultimately boring and glitchy Hulk video game by stating I haven’t seen the new movie. I’m guessing it won’t matter because, even if the film is nothing but Hulk destroying buildings and accidentally killing bystanders as he leapfrogs midday traffic for hours on end, the game design strategies employed here didn’t result in a great video game.

MINDLESS DESTRUCTION:
The Incredible Hulk

Granted, jumping on a bus or inadvertently tearing off a piece of city hall in a Hulk Mad Smash-fest is fun for the first hour. But once it becomes apparent that every mission involves punching out human foes or cheap hit robots, most of the anger-induced smashing will be directed at the game disc itself.

Since I’m assuming the game’s storyline mirrors the new film closely, I don’t know if the movie is as uneventful as this title. Non-fans will be confused by the lack of background details and explanations, while hardcore fans will find Norton’s voiceover work as lifeless and boring as Ang Lee’s The Hulk.

Another strange decision likely to irk obsessive fans, is how Banner is always in Hulk mode, even when the mission is complete and his rage supposedly subsided. And why bother including a Grand Theft Auto-style overworld with sandbox elements when all the missions are essentially the same and the side quests are limited?

Considering that the destructible environments and the ability to cause citywide damage without repercussions are more enjoyable than the actual missions, the smashing should have been intrinsic to the actual quest. Like the building-clobbering fun of Blast Corps (a 1997 N64 game by Rare), reward Hulk for taking out every standing structure in sight.

In the cutscenes, Norton unconvincingly yaps about how he can’t control his big green doppelganger, yet all he seems to want to do in Hulk form is help people out and beat up spacesuit-sporting private military army dudes. Because of this, I don’t like Hulk when he’s angry, since I know he’s just going to wuss out on committing horrific acts of carnage in lieu of hiding in the subway as a means of avoiding fighting. Seriously, the game allows a big green monster to hide in the subway.

In the future, present Hulk a path, tell him his dad is on the other end and let him run wild.

Good Wii game? It’s blowin’ in the wind

The new Nintendo Wii game download service Wii Ware is open for business. Unlike the classic games already released, Wii Ware features original titles. One such game is LostWinds (Wii/Frontier Developments), a highly original platform game where players move the main character by drawing gusts of wind using the Wii remote.

Speaking of classics, Soulcalibur (XBLA/Namco) is finally available on XBox Live Arcade. Released as a launch title for the Sega Dreamcast in 1999, it could very well be the best game ever made. The graphics still hold up today, the fighting is balanced to perfection and the many special manoeuvres will keep you occupied for at least nine years.