THIS WEEK: Islands, Devices,
Homostupids, So Cow!

PLUS: Smeared Ozzy causes grief!!

F It’s already bad enough that concerts in this city are really expensive. At the Ozzy show, I paid $200 for my ticket and when I went outside to have a cigarette, I ran into these punks, I think their names are Brian and Tracy, selling illegal CONTRABAND t-shirts. So, you know, normally they’re $50 so I said, hey, $20 bucks, why not? I grab one, get home, and the whole Ozzy was SMEARED! The whole front of the t-shirt was smeared! I’m sick of these people ripping us off. Brian and Tracy, go sell your illegal stuff somewhere else. [BLEEP!]

M To the dude who said there’s no good punk shows in Montreal. I think you need to check out some HOUSE SHOWS, man. The New Bloods from Portland, Oregon played here last month at a house in St-Henri. Cheap Tragedies and Shearing Pinx played at the LBH House in Pointe-St-Charles last week and the Homostupids—one of the best punk bands in the whole U.S.—are going to be playing there on Friday, June 13 at the same house with Omegas, Double Dip and Panopticon Eyelids so, really, there’s tons of great things happening, man. And there’s also some good stuff at Suoni—Home Blitz, So Cow, the O Voids and the Procedure Club are going to be playing at Casa on June 18 and American Devices, one of the longest running punk bands in Montreal, is playing at Bar de Courcelles in St-Henri on June 6 so there’s really tons of good things going on. You just have to, I don’t know, look for it, man. So get on it. [BLEEP!]

F Okay, so last night, I went to the Islands show at le National and I really need to get my opinion off MY CHEST because I had an extremely disturbing experience there. It really seems to be a symptom of the emperor’s new clothes. Basically, the band starts playing, everything’s going along, everything’s fine, and then suddenly I realize that they’re just ripping off numerous, numerous pop groups and songs. For instance, the Who. For instance, “La Bamba.” Like, all of a sudden, in the middle of a song, they just stop and they go into the exact guitar riff from “La Bamba” and I feel like everybody is just standing around, watching this band and pretending that it’s meaningful but everybody knows that it’s not. The emperor’s new clothes. [BLEEP!]

M Yo. This is to the 32-year-old who’s never heard the expression GREEN to refer to marijuana. Well, I’m 38 years old and I’m not as big a pot smoker as you, but when we were young and we used to go to dealers, and they’d ask do you want green or brown. Green for marijuana and brown for hashish. So I don’t know where he’s been living, maybe he’s been under some pot plants or something? Green is in, baby. Not only the environment, but marijuana. Peace out. [BLEEP!]

M Well, I’m 30 and I’ve been smoking weed every day of my life since I was 18. I call weed green all the time and I know plenty of other people who do. You call it green to distinguish it from the brown, which we don’t get to do enough around this town anymore. But enough said, get yourself some green today. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, whatever happened to the good old days when you could go to Berri and buy GOOD COKE on the street? Now all I ever get is powder, sugar or baking soda. Whoever’s in charge of the guys over there, they need to up their surveillance, get rid of these kids that are selling bunk stuff. Anyways, just remembering the good old days. [BLEEP!]

F To the girl who doesn’t think her boobs are amazing, I also have some DOUBLE D KNOCKERS and I love them. I also love to see a big rack on other women as well. They’re gorgeous lumps on our chest and men are lucky that we have them. If you’re having back pain, it’s probably because you don’t have the right support. The Bay does not have good bras! You need to go to a specialist and get fitted. The sad thing is that most women are wearing the wrong bra size and are getting improper support. There are tons of places around the city that have great bras—expensive, but great—and also have great help. I think any woman should be proud of what she’s got, but be comfortable too. [BLEEP!]

F This is F CUP calling just responding to Double D. Listen, if you have problems with yourself and you have low self esteem, that’s fine, but don’t rag on having big boobs. My BREASTICLES have got me wonderful things in the past and I think they’ll continue to do that until they sag down to my knees. As for not being able to find affordable bras, just get yourself down to Additionelle. Yes, it’s for bigger ladies but don’t worry, they have much love for the big breasts. As for guys checking you out just because you have nice boobs, well, let me put it this way: I’d rather worry about guys checking me out for my breasts than worry about guys not checking me out because I’m ugly. Don’t smash what God gave you, embrace it. [BLEEP!]

F I just want to say covering up the cigarettes in all the depanneurs—good idea. Now if we could just work on covering the fucking LOTTO machines, that’d be even more awesome. I’m sick and tired of waiting half an hour to pay for milk because 10 assholes need to get their gambling fix. Man, you’re worse than smokers and alcoholics combined. Peace. [BLEEP!]

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