Sin city suckfest

>>It’s not worth finding out
What Happens in Vegas

by CHRISTOPHER SYKES

Both Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz haven’t exactly been on the top of their game lately. The one-time “it” boy seems to be concentrating more on producing bad television shows (The Real Wedding Crashers, Beauty and the Geek) than his acting career, and—save for the Shrek franchise—Diaz isn’t the box office draw she once was. What Happens in Vegas is Hollywood’s attempt to revitalize those names by squaring the two ridiculously good-looking celebs off against each other.

Kutcher plays... wait for it... an irresponsible loser who has just been fired by his own father. Diaz is a New York Stock Exchange floor-trading control freak, dumped by her fiancé for being a predictable bore. The two strangers grab their respective BFFs (Rob Corddry and Lake Bell) and take off on what is supposed to be a cathartic Vegas weekend retreat. Thanks to a mix-up, the foursome are double-booked in the same room. While parting ways, Kutcher dares Diaz to enjoy a night on the town with him. If only she had said no.

Instead, the two headliners do their best Britney Spears impersonation and tie the knot following a night of drunken debauchery. After realizing the next morning they more or less hate each other, an annulment looks in order. However, they’ve also won $3-million on a slot machine and are ordered to remain together for six months or forfeit their share of the loot.

It’s all just as tedious and predictable as it sounds. The jokes aren’t funny and what little on-screen chemistry there is between Diaz and Kutcher is quickly eclipsed by the duo’s bad acting. The two exploit every generic marriage peeve in the book (is the toilet seat really that important, ladies?) and attempt to torpedo the other’s chance at the money.

Vegas comes off as little more than a marketing campaign for the up-and-coming generation of drinker/gamblers just about to enjoy their summer vacations. All said and done, it’s a rom-com catered to the lowest common denominator. I dare you not to see this movie.

What Happens In Vegas
opens this Friday, May 9

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