Dear Sasha, , I’m 22 and have been in a relationship with a wonderful white guy for five months. I grew up in America, but my parents are from Tanzania and have always wanted me to end up with an African. They feel that an African would understand me more than a white, or even a black Westerner would.
I told my dad a month into the relationship that I was going out with my boyfriend because I promised to tell him when I started dating. At first he seemed fine but now he tells me statistics about how interracial relationships do not last. He tells me that interracial children are ugly and don’t adjust well in society. To my sister, he says my boyfriend is using me for money and has jungle fever.
I’ve told him if he’s so worried he should meet the guy but he says he can only meet him if I want to marry him. I don’t want to marry anyone, but it is serious. It hurts when my dad says that it’s jungle fever and it makes me unsure about my relationship. I love my boyfriend, he’s absolutely amazing in every way and treats me well. Any suggestions?
—Help!
Dear Help!,
I love how people bring up divorce statistics as though they are unequivocally disastrous, and not, in so many cases, a triumph. Still, let’s look at these statistics your father has produced (ones, by the way, that are very popular on white supremacist Web sites) and is misrepresenting.
According to them, interracial relationships don’t last as long. As for the children of mixed race couples being homely outcasts, dear lord, all children are ugly and boring except to their parents. The real problem here is that you are 22, five months into a relationship and already worrying about them when you should be sitting in a park drinking Snapple and reading each other your poetry.
If many of our parents had it their way, we would only date people of their choosing (because clearly their parents did such a great job for them, right?) but if we’re going to start flinging narrow-minded racial epithets around to bolster our claim, well, we are all aware of the African potential for money grubbing too—YOUR URGENT REPLY—this quality is not unique to white Westerners.
Anyone can dig up examples of unattractive stereotypes and parents are particularly adept at this when trying to discourage their kids from behaviour of which they disapprove. Back in the ’80s when I was wearing meticulously tattered jeans my mother would yell at me, “I read somewhere you can get a cold on your crotch!” (In front of everyone of course.) This was before the Internet even. I pity you young folks now, with parental condemnation an unremitting click away.
Even if your relationship ends because of insurmountable cultural differences, it is the quality of it now that’s significant, not its unforeseeable length. Having fun? Getting along? Enjoy yourselves. You’ll be bickering before you know it.
Dear Sasha, When I’m doing my boyfriend up the ass doggy style, he seems to ejaculate from the butt—white stuff comes out of his bum but it almost literally squirts out! What’s up with that? He says that its never happened to him before but it seems to happen quite frequently when I have sex with him, I can tell when it’s about to happen because it feels all foamy inside almost like a volcano exploding!
So tell me, am I a really good fuck, does my mate have a very unique part in his rectum and do we have a chance of making it on Oprah?
—Volcano Boy
Dear VB,
Oprah no. Robin Byrd, absolutely.
I did find a reference to abundant anal discharge in Jack Morin’s book Anal Pleasure and Health. Here is the quote: “A few people become so moist that no extra lubrication is required even for anal intercourse, although this is rarely the case. It is not known if the amount of anal secretion is related to how sexually excited the person is.” If you are still curious, a trip to a urologist would give you more insight.
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