Dear Sasha, Being a man, I can’t say for sure, but I gather for many women there is extraordinary pleasure—a unique fullness—derived from the insertion, vaginal and/or anal, of objects larger than even the above average penis.
Yet, last week, you took a shot at porn’s “attractive young females… having a baseball bat pulled out of their asses followed by three limes and a grapefruit”. Okay, so you’re exaggerating, but not by much. Your tone, however, seems on the critical side. So set us straight—is all the stretching, fisting and gaping solely for the hungry, extremist eyes of men, or is it reflecting that a lot of women get off on it?
—Mack
Dear Mack,
I think it’s more accurate to say that you think I took a shot at the fact that you derive pleasure from these graphic images. Regardless, I was not condemning these women, the acts they perform or anyone’s appreciation of them—I have a particular, though often ambivalent, respect for people who act out radical sex.
But Mack, the key word here is “perform” and I’m afraid, in that regard, there’s no setting it straight. I’ve been watching porn for over 20 years and I’ve seen women clearly not enjoying having their ass or pussy reamed by, say, a Zamboni. I’ve watched films where they obviously love it and I’ve watched women so entranced with being filmed that you could ask them to do anything as long as the camera was on. I’ve also seen women you simply couldn’t read, but don’t think I don’t notice you carefully paraphrasing sex positive writer Deborah Addington’s fisting book A Hand in the Bush to support your longing to see these images.
It’s true that while some women adore this sensation—I’ve shaken hands with their cervixes myself—the important thing to understand is that porn, like any industry, is created to satisfy its consumers (many of them women), not its workers. If I think of my own personal experiences in this medium, particularly one in which I fucked a woman with a large and awkward object, I can tell you we spent most of the time greasing it up and experimenting with it before we carefully filmed the scene. Did we enjoy ourselves? Well, we fulfilled the script without blowing up anyone’s vagina and that was pretty exciting.
You say that, being a man, you can’t say for sure, but you share with us ladies the perfect barometer for pain and pleasure: an asshole. Just remember, flared base, lots of lube.
Dear Sasha, I am currently 14 going on 15 and the guy I have a major crush on is three years older than me. He’ll be 18 really soon. We’re scared to date because of statutory rape laws. Does this apply to us? I live in Ontario.
—Sam
Dear Sam,
I’m not surprised you call what is known in Canada as sexual assault by its American term—statutory rape. Did you also know that the United States has the highest teen pregnancy rate in the developed world (and it’s risen since 2007), its funding policies for foreign HIV/AIDS support have proven alarmingly shortsighted, and that last week it was revealed that a U.S. government-funded online medical database has started surreptitiously blocking searches on the word abortion? Go to http://blog.wired.com/27bstroke6/2008/04/a-government-fu.html) for more on this last bit.
Though the new age of “protection,” as it’s being called, seems to have been snuck in on an omnibus bill that also contains gun control laws (hurrah! Let’s keep conflating teen sex with coercion!), it is slightly more rational than I anticipated. For you personally, it will not have an impact.
I’ll just go through it briefly. The new age has been raised with a few provisions. People under 16 having sex with someone within a two-year age difference of them will not face criminal charges, and there is a close-in-age exception for 14- to 15-year-olds having sex with people five years older than them. This means, Sam, that you are free to have sex with your boyfriend and he is free to have sex with you without fear of being prosecuted as a sex offender.
Sex educator Kim Martyn says that educators and clinic workers don’t ask partner age (and don’t have to) unless they are concerned there is a case of coercion or pressure. So young people, please don’t worry about accessing birth control and sex advice.
Got any questions for Sasha? E-MAIL: POULEDELUXE@YAHOO.COM |
