THIS WEEK: KRS-One, Wu-Tang Clan,
Teki Latex, Omnikrom!

PLUS: Important Indian Chief sculpture stolen!!

M Yeah, if your only talent with the horn is blowing one out-of-tune sour-ass note repeatedly, you probably do not belong on a PARADE FLOAT. That’s all I’m saying. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, what’s up with that crap Omnikrom? What is that? Synth fag rap? Go to bed, man. Quebec doesn’t need this crap. I’d rather listen to Eurotechno or LTJ Bukem. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, I feel like I’m on vacation this week because I didn’t have to read about fucking TTC or Teki Latex in the pages of the Mirror for the first time in about 60-fucking months. You know, I really wish you guys would stop giving those people coverage because they suck. The only thing that the popularity of Teki Latex and TTC is indicative of is how fucking bad hipsters’ tastes in hip hop music is. When they decide that there’s a group that they like, it’s a pretty good sign that they’re going to suck my balls. Anyway, Teki Latex, you’re the dick, baby. [BLEEP!]

M I was at the KRS-One show the other night and it was dope but my problem was that one of the opening acts was this horrible French group. I’ve got love for French people, but until they start giving English speakers more respect, let’s save English opening acts for English shows. There is a lot of dope English hip hop out there that deserve to have some light shined on it. I doubt you’d ever see an English band opening for a French act. I say French rap groups should wait for the likes of Sans Pression and Dubmatique to tour. Peace. Name’s Mellow A. [BLEEP!]

M Yo. I don’t mean to hate but I’ve got to be real on this. The KRS-One show was whack. I’m sick of people coming to town and doing MEDLEYS. KRS-One has many, many, many hits, phat tracks, bomb tracks and I don’t want to hear five bars and then cut it, yo, yo, yo, finish it and then jump to something else. I want to hear the whole thing! And yo, bringing breakdancers up on stage is cool but when half them boys are whack, you’ve got to kick them off. And half of the MCs up there were whack too. There were a couple that were hot and it was cool that KRS, you know, wanted to bring the real, and that little SERMON was tight, but I wanted more KRS and less foolishNESS. Yes. So please, future artists that come to Montreal, we do not want fucking medleys, we want full-on tracks. I don’t think there was one whole track at that show. I don’t care how raspy your voice is. Peace to everyone. [BLEEP!]

M Okay, this isn’t so much a rant as it is a matter of perspective of real life. I saw in the Mirror that apparently the Wu-Tang Clan is coming up to Montreal in April. Okay, well, if RZA isn’t coming across the border, all right, that’s a good part of the Clan gone. And Ghostface I know is on tour for his new album too. Anyways, I think you have to look into things before they go being publicized. [BLEEP!]

F I have a rant about the local music scene. So after 15 years Leonard Cohen returns and the tickets are $250 starting in the nosebleed seats. What the hell is with that? A local Montrealer plays and local Montrealers cannot go to his show because it’s too expensive? [BLEEP!]

F Hey, this is for the stupid guy saying immigrants don’t recycle. I live in Park Ex and there’s boxes everywhere and Park Ex isn’t known for its WHITE-ONLY thing going on. [BLEEP!]

M Oh boy, you who spoke about recycling for newcomers, you are definitely going to get JIHADDED by blacks or Muslims or whatever. Oh my, my, my. Poor you. [BLEEP!]

M Hi, I’m calling about the gay guy who was the bottom. He said he didn’t like it at all. I was the guy on top. Trust me, he liked it very much. [BLEEP!]

M Wow, this is the lamest fucking Rant Line™ ever this week. Jesus. [BLEEP!]

M Regarding the guy who said he’s got a big dick and that he’s slept with a lot of girls who were disappointed with small dicks. Uh, that hasn’t happened to me. I have an EIGHT INCH and, no, nothing like that has ever occurred. Most girls don’t comment. They don’t want to talk about it, it’s like they don’t care. I don’t know if they’re pretending or what, but they never ever talked to me about another guy’s dick that was smaller or bigger. Never. It has never happened. [BLEEP!]

M The penis topic is fine but I think we need a new angle. We’re starting to repeat ourselves. How about BOOBS or tits or schmoobs or whatever the current lingo is? My sister says that women with big boobs are aggressive and domineering. It’s just a generalization but I agree. My wife doesn’t agree and it’s always been an ongoing debate between us. [BLEEP!]

F This is to the asshole who stole my INDIAN CHIEF sculpture which was by my front entrance on Drolet street just underneath Duluth in my basement apartment. I just want to mention that I’m pissed off and that thing had sentimental value to me and you suck, basically. Bye. [BLEEP!]

Got an opinion on the local muisc scene?
We want to hear from you!
Call (514) 271-RANT (7268).