Dear Sasha, Ever since my uncle snuck me into my first burlesque show when I was 16, I’ve been going to burlesque shows whenever I have the opportunity. At most burlesque shows, though, nine out of 10 performers are women. While I have no problem with this, I feel like there is a whole realm of untapped potential in male burlesque. With male burlesque acts, you could explore an entirely different side of sexuality and gender. I’ve been looking into starting an all-male burlesque troupe. I have no real burlesque experience myself other than some unplanned audience participation and very little theatre experience. Despite that, I’m enthusiastic and willing to do whatever it takes.
—Benjamin Paley
Dear Benjamin,
I’m concerned that you imagine there is money involved in this endeavour, so let’s first disabuse you of the notion that you will be highballing around in limousines with a pair of Borzois flanking you and a cluster of half-naked boys wrestling on the seats and floors. Let’s also discuss this whole “realm of untapped potential” and “entirely different sides of sexuality and gender” of which you feel the public is being deprived by the absence of a male burlesque troupe, which would probably just end up looking like Weimar Chippendales (to see what I mean, go to www.sfboylesque.com).
I am of course playing an important role in this scheme of yours—the jaded naysayer. You have no experience in theatre, burlesque or managing… are you crazy, kid? etc. but it is true that with no qualifications, you have little chance of convincing a group of boys to do what they can’t do better without a clueless middleman.
My own experience working with biological men in burlesque has been rewarding (2boys.tv from Montreal leaps immediately to mind and they are also fantastically original), but harried: the no-shows, the hysterical phone calls from the bathhouse at all hours, the niggling impression that their own creative work is more important, the never-ending boyfriend drama…honestly, just you wait for my book. (And no, I wouldn't have had it any other way.)
Dear Sasha, I’m a 28-year old gay male who has a very active sex life. I would call myself a bottom because I love bottoming but I find myself in a bind.
Most of the time I have bottomed, I was always high on chemicals and poppers. I find that it hurts a lot when I bottom and I need these enhancers for me to really enjoy myself. I’ve tried bottoming without them but I always have to stop after five minutes because it hurts. I want to get poppers and chemicals out of my system but how do I enjoy being a bottom without feeling the pain?
-Tight Bubble Bottom
Dear Tight,
The fact is, you’re doing a lot more harm to your ass dulling the pain with drugs than not. You’ve made a good decision to start bottoming sober. Your equipment will last a lot longer for one (lord only knows what important messages your precious sphincter has been shrieking at you that have gone ignored). If you’re fucking primarily when you’re high, what that says to me is that you’re having a lot of verbally uncommunicative sex and fronting as boundary-free. This can be fun and dirty but learning to be present when you’re getting laid can really enhance and prolong the experience. Jack Morin’s Anal Pleasure & Health or Bill Brent’s Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men are two reading options to get you started. I’m not a huge fan of Joseph Kramer’s hippy dippy anal sex videos for men but you may find some instructional appeal to them.
You deserve to have pain-free anal sex on your terms. I think one thing that scares a lot of bottoms is making themselves truly vulnerable by being assertive about their needs, but just because you’re a bitch doesn’t mean you can’t have rules. Tops need boundaries to enjoy themselves too, you know.
Got any questions for Sasha? E-MAIL: POULEDELUXE@YAHOO.COM |
