THIS WEEK: Hot punk boys,
white power skinheads!!

PLUS: Music store near Mile-End nearly identified!!

M Okay, okay, enough is enough, I just can’t take it anymore! This goes out to all the little hipster indie and underground bands that wear WIGS, grow MOUSTACHES, paint their faces blue or wear some weird burlesque costumes from the 1800s to get noticed. You want to get noticed? Get some fucking talent and drop the Halloween costumes! Enough is enough—if I want to go see weirdos painted up with wigs and weird costumes, I’ll go see a play. That’s it. Over and out. [BLEEP!]

M What’s up, Montreal DJs and DJ wannabes? Come out to the open mic for DJs at le Social on Friday, February 1. It’s going to be pretty rad. It’s all genres accepted, so as long as you’re a DJ. Peace. Oh yeah, and it’s free. It’s free to get in. You don’t got to pay. [BLEEP!]

F This is to all the kids bitching about Sid Vicious and the Sex Pistols and whether or not Sid was fuckable. SHUT UP. He’s OLD and DEAD. If he was ever hot, it doesn’t matter now. What matters now is my question: Where the fuck are all the not-old, not-dead and possibly HOT PUNK BOYS? That’s punk, not emo. There is a difference. I’ve been looking around our scene and it’s dying. I’d like to put some of the blame on those idiots who are calling themselves punk while they stay in at night debating their attractions to dead media icons. If they were punks, they’d be getting off their asses and fucking things up. Montreal punks, my love, where have you gone? [BLEEP!]

M I see this Sid Vicious thing just isn’t going to die. Look, the way I see it, this chick is nuts about him for just one reason—POWER. She views him as having some sort of power position. It’s the same reason why even Pierre Trudeau was getting some in his ’70s. And chicks fall for it. But us guys, we’re all visual. Do you think any of us would look at Margaret Thatcher or even Hillary Clinton and go, “Oh yeah, that’s hot”? Yeah, right. [BLEEP!]

F Hi, this is Rosa S Medley from OK GIRAFFE and we misplaced a backpack when we played at Le Divan Orange. It was a black backpack with some red on it with equipment from our show and CD money in it and some jewellery, stuff that is important to the band. And we really miss it and we need it. If anybody knows where it is, could you please let us know at our MySpace site, which is myspace.com/okgiraffe. Thank you and bye. [BLEEP!]

M Hey, Montreal. Hope you’re all good. I’m a musician in Mile-End and I saw in the latest issue that a dude or a dudette was looking for a music store in Mile-End. Well, I know there’s one on Jean-Talon. It’s a little ways but I don’t know. I think it’s near a Tim Horton’s. Don’t know the street. Not very helpful. Anyway, peace to you all. [BLEEP!]

F Hey, I’m just calling to warn each and every person in Montreal who likes to go out about Rockette’s. It’s on the corner of St-Denis and Mont-Royal. I had been warned that there were WHITE POWER SKINS there and I didn’t believe it, because I heard it was a fun place to dance. So I went and there were plenty of mainstream St-Denis bar-hopper types, but there were also plenty of serious white power skinheads. I went there with my friends who all look kind of punk and they surrounded us and they started trying to pick a fight and we got so threatened that we had to leave. And then when we went to the bouncer and told him that there were a bunch of racists and homophobes in the bar, he just smiled and said, “I don’t fucking care.” And when she tried to talk to the manager, he pushed her down the stairs before she caught herself on the railing. Anyway, it ruined our night. We were supposed to have a good night and instead we got confronted by intense racism in the city that we love. [BLEEP!]

M Hi people. I just want to leave a little rant about these stupid dumb fucks going on about 514 and 416 and yo, yo, yo what’s up, what’s up, MY HOMEY G-DOG. Okay? Like, grow up, man. Seriously. Who the fuck cares what city you come from, what area code you come from? What about 905? They’re from Mississauga, yo. They’re like cool and hip and down with the FA-SHIZZLE MY-JIZZLE NIZZLE, you know? Instead, why don’t we talk about things that are actually seriously affecting our lives? Like, for example, Bell Mobility. I’m in my house, in Verdun, inside my house, and I have no reception. I walk outside, I only have two bars. Verdun is really close to downtown Montreal. Hell, it’s on Montreal island! Like, that’s f’n serious, people. Fuck the music scene. Everybody hates this guy, everybody loves that guy. We all have differences of opinion, differences in taste. So if I start listening to, I don’t know, fuck, CHAKA KHAN and some fucking guy tells me that it sucks, I’d be like, of course it doesn’t suck! But this isn’t the fucking second grade anymore!! Can we grow up and move on, people?! [BLEEP!]

F Yeah, this goes out to Mr. Montreal who claims that after he has intercourse and ORGASMS and cums inside of a bitch, he’s able to resume fucking to the point where the girl can cum as well. Mr. Montreal, you are full of shit, no man can do this. Once you bust the nuts, I’m sorry, the show’s over for at least five, 10 minutes. You ain’t shit, motherfucker. I’m going to call your ex-girlfriend and I’m going to find out. [BLEEP!]

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