Worst blood

>> Sylvester Stallone shoots mostly
blanks in the empty Rambo

WEARY WARRIOR: Stallone

by MATTHEW HAYS

It’s been a strange career twist for Sly Stallone, with both of his most popular franchises, Rocky and Rambo, resuscitated for final chapters in the past year. What’s most amazing is how he’s managed to keep up his appearance. Then he got arrested in Australia last March for smuggling steroids, and it seemed less amazing.

For those of us who’ve been counting, Rambo is number four in the series. The original films became famous for their loaded political baggage: Rambo was a Vietnam vet who’d been mistreated by a calculating, lying government. As the sequels wore on, Rambo became emblematic of Reaganite, reactionary clawback; the final sequel had him helping the freedom fighters in Afghanistan against the Soviets. (Rambo 3 was even dedicated to the people of Afghanistan.)

There’s no mention of the fact that those people Rambo romanticized in his last film ultimately evolved into the Taliban. Never mind. Sequel screenwriters often suffer from the same unique strain of amnesia that planners of American foreign policy do. Now, Rambo is semi-retired, living in Thailand and working as a snake catcher (!). He is approached by a group of Christian aid workers who need to sneak into Burma to find out what happened to a bunch of their peers who have gone missing.

Now, sequels are supposed to keep certain things intact to maintain the franchise’s sensibilities. Here, there’s already a major deviation: Reagan is dead, as are actor Richard Crenna and composer Jerry Goldsmith from the original movies. And so, apparently, are the films’ political sentiments. By taking on the case of well-meaning aid workers in Burma (a regime no one defends), Stallone (who co-writes and directs) is clearly making this a clear-cut case of Good vs. Evil, with no ideological wiggle room. Luckily, he maintains certain elements from the previous movies, just to keep us feeling at home—namely, Neanderthal acting skills and ludicrous dialogue.

Rambo heads into the jungle with a group of mercenaries who set out to rescue the kidnapped aid workers. They, of course, view Rambo as a lowly tour guide who can do little more than run the boat. Little do they know, this man who carries a bow and arrow and speaks in grunts and gives mean looks is actually a kick-ass warrior who can fight way better than all of them can, combined.

Bullets and bombs ensue. There are lots of choppy action sequences—some, it must be noted, are quite effective—with Stallone facing off against those cruel, immoral killing machines that are the Burmese military. In his directing style, Stallone seems to have lifted a page from Michael Bay, as at times the editing becomes so erratic, we completely lose our sense of space.

Still, despite all the fun to be had in mass carnage, there’s something decidedly empty about Rambo. Last year, Stallone returned with Rocky Balboa, and critics generally responded favourably to that resurrection. This one, not so much. The tagline for Rambo is “Heroes never die… They just reload.” (I’m not making that up—check the poster.) Sadly, most of the time, this hero is shooting blanks.

Rambo is now in theatres

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