Dear Sasha, Is the elusive, hot bi-girl just a threesome fantasy or does she really exist? Why is finding a young, interested (and NON FLAKEY) hottie to join us in a threesome so damn hard? We have been trying religiously for two years on various online sites, going out and picking up and haven’t had enough luck.
It’s caused us stress and lately our relationship has been filled with angst and unfulfilled desires. We love each other so much, we wouldn’t be into this if not—both of us recognize each other’s needs and are 100 per cent supportive. We have no restrictions, neither of us gets jealous and I am just as turned on watching my man fuck her as he is watching me. We are into this purely for the fun and sex and nothing more, but if it feels great, we would do it again with the same girl, especially given how hard it is to find serious thirds.
We are passionate—and I won’t lie—pretty fucking horny. All we want is to indulge a hottie in some sexy playtime. We are both hot, young, sexually charged and love women. How can this be so hard? Do you have any suggestions from your personal experiences? Do you know of other couples looking for a third going through this frustration? What are their strategies? Why are some girls so slutty with guys, but when it comes to a nice clean couple, they’re too shy? Please spare me any lectures on semantics, feminism and resist the temptation to comment on whether you think we are being “too picky,” or “needy,” or what is already obvious, like the fact that we can’t expect everyone to be into us both or to be swingers—we know.
—Flustered Fuckers
Dear Flustered,
Let’s just get one thing straight: This is my column and I probably started writing it before you could even count to three, so if you don’t want to hear what I have to say, then don’t ask. Since you did though, what I’m going to do is pull out one of my favourite Québécois expressions and tell you to calme ton sexe. Nobody being approached for sex, no matter what the circumstances or configuration, likes to feel as though someone’s life is at stake unless they put out (barring military recruitment, which seems to make some people crazy).
You say you’re looking for nothing but fun yet it sounds like anything but for your quarry, what with the spectre of angst and unfulfilled desires ever looming. When you were single, did you relish being stalked by ravenous, embittered tag teams? Honestly, this resentful attitude towards girls who are apparently so slutty with guys is very unattractive and self-defeating. Aren’t you sleeping with a guy? And don’t you want girls to be slutty with him? I mean, let’s have a little introspection here, especially when we’re demanding it, in caps no less, of our third.
People aren’t obliged to find your offer tempting and frankly, I can see why they’re not. You probably started out thinking that your door was going to be banged down and when it wasn’t, you began doubting your appeal, even to each other. Now you’re rushing about desperately trying to find someone to validate your charisma as a couple.
Presently, it seems like the only go-between you should be enlisting is a professional. A good couples therapist will cost you about $130 an hour or alternately, a qualified hooker shouldn’t run you much more than twice that. If the idea of paying for help is beyond your convulsing egos or pocketbooks, well, you as much as said it yourself, you’re swingers, so get online and start researching your local clubs and communities.
Many swing clubs are looking to attract a younger, prettier clientele these days, though standards for flakey or forlorn can’t be vouched for. Doormen are not handing out Proust questionnaires after all, they just want to make sure everyone’s tans are fresh and they’re not too fat. Whatever you choose to do, again, just take it easy. Eau de Frantique stinks.
Got any questions for Sasha? E-MAIL: POULEDELUXE@YAHOO.COM
|
