The Riff-Raff rundown

by RAF KATIGBAK

Well, it’s December and there are three things you can always count on: ear-hating Christmas music, long line-ups and end-of-year roundup lists. Since every media outlet will be dropping their Best Ofs, Worst Ofs and What’s-Hot-for-Next-Year lists (they do this so they can basically just cruise through the month without doing any real work, btw), I figured I’d jump on the bandwagon and do my own Riff-Raff rundown. Because I’m so burnt from all the Christmas cheer I’ve been having (I usually keep a 16oz-er in my desk drawer), I’m going to be lazy and just put it in no meaningful order. Enjoy!

Debate I’m Most Tired of Hearing About: Reasonable accommodation

Can we just all get used to the fact that we live in a multicultural society? I mean, Québécois have nothing to fear from immigration. Except when the Filipino nanny uprising happens, then y’all are in deep tae.

Runners up: Paper or plastic (paper) and Whether or not I’m gay (I’m not. Or am I?)

Best Invention of 2007: YouTube

Okay, so it’s not really an invention and it was actually started in 2005, but damn it if it’s not still the funnest thing on the Internet right now. I’m not sure how many late night YouTube seshes I’ve had drunkenly trading off stupid video discoveries with friends, but let’s just say if it weren’t for YouTube, I wouldn’t have discovered the Vagina Power of Alexyss K. Tylor or the Menergy of Powerthirst.

Runners up: Venturi Eclectic’s solar and wind powered car, Apple’s iPhone, and Jimmy Dean’s Pancakes and Sausage on a Stick (Chocolate Chip flavour)

Most Addictive Thing in 2007: Facebook

Yes, I hate talking about it as much as you hate hearing about it, but there’s something about it that appeals to the sick, voyeuristic pervert in me (I mean, um, not). What’s really crazy is how seriously people take the social networking site: like one guy I know who has a vendetta against someone for refusing to add him as a friend, or the girl who, when she broke up with her boyfriend, decided that they would remove their relationship status together with a symbolic synchronous click of the mouse. This shit is more addictive than crack.

Runner up: Crack

Best true story overheard at a party: We conjured Ben Johnson through song

This story is so crazy that I can’t even do it justice on paper. If you see me or a guy named Noah at a bar, ask to hear it in person and see if you can get through the part where Ben Johnson appears in a purple silk dress shirt and sweat pants referring to himself in the third person without having beer shoot out of your nose.

What’s Coming Back in 2008: Euro dance crazes

Jamaican dancehall music has been a forerunner on the dance craze scene for a while now (Lord knows I’ve pulled a muscle or two doing the Dutty Wine) and hip hop has come through in ’07 with the Chicken Noodle Soup and Crank Dat, but honestly, where my honkies at? It’s only a matter of time before someone comes up with something as culturally devastating as the Macarena. Maybe it’s Canada’s turn to come up with the stupidest dance in the world? Oh wait, we did, it’s called the Tabarnak (thanks again YouTube!).

Runners up: Powdered wigs, scurvy and the Quebec slang crim’ puff

New Year’s Resolution: Start smoking.

Okay, I know it’s all stinky and expensive and will kill you with cancer and death, but I’ve always thought smoking was cool. I dunno if it’s all of the French new wave films I’ve been watching or how hot it looks to be sucking on one of those things (no homo), but really, there is something just so dangerously sexy about it. It’s like bow hunting or tightrope boxing. So yes, 2008 will be my year to start smoking. Or at least to try to, and then start coughing and tearing up like an 11-year-old behind the gymnasium.

Runners up: Recycling and Giving horrible relationship advice to girlfriends

So that’s it: the last Riff-Raff of 2007. Thanks again to all you readers, especially those that took the time to write me a quick e-mail to tell me that I rule. And to those who told me I suck: Eat a dick!

Next year, Riff-Raff returns, older, wiser and more Asian than ever. Kind of like Mr. Miyagi or that Japanese guy who talks about the environment all the time. See you soon!

Riff-Raff@sympatico.ca