THIS WEEK: Fiery Furnaces, Bam Margera, Siouxsie, Wu-Tang!

PLUS: Important leftover underwear commentary!!

M What I got to say is GWAR is a terrible band. Stage-wear along with false personas is for untalented hacks. Like KISS, Cradle of Filth, Insane Clown Posse, Mushroomhead, Slipknot, that kind of crap. Anything associated with Bam “Buttfuck” Margera is clearly marketed for suburban douchebags who film themselves jumping off of balconies onto trees for the sole purpose of uploading it to YouTube. Unfortunately, this generation will be known in the future as the impressionable JACKASS GENERATION. Thank you for bringing the rest of us down with you. [BLEEP!]

M This is in no way, form or fashion about the local music scene. It’s about the cover of the Mirror, the Fiery Furnaces, that brother-sister shit. Yo, dude, while you’re clocking that clock, I’m clocking your sister. You know what I mean? She’s the one who puts the fire in my furnace. I don’t really give a fuck about what kind of music you two make but, man, I’ll give her some whatchamacallit. Happy holidays. [BLEEP!]

F Rant Line™, Rant Line™, if you love me, you will print this rant. It is me, the girl who originally started this whole DEBACLE about the Sex Pistols and Sid Vicious. I feel it’s already gone too far and it’s JUVENILE, all this bickering back and forth with people I don’t even know. But I have to defend myself and one of my favourite bands. First of all, to that girl who said I was stupid for liking Sid Vicious instead of Richard Hell—fuck Richard Hell, okay? Television sucked and he wasn’t hot. Sid Vicious was a symbol, he was a character and he’s the unofficial pin-up boy of punk rock. It wasn’t about the talent. I never said I wanted to have a relationship, I never said I wanted to marry the guy, I just said I wanted to fuck him because he had nice hair and he was skinny and beautiful. He was way sexier than Richard Hell, I don’t know what you’re going on about, bitch. And the Sex Pistols were revolutionary no matter how you slice and dice it. They weren’t about the music, they were about the attitude, and John Lydon was a crazy kind of GENIUS and he was then and he is now and fuck you. And I’m not going to phone back because this really is totally asinine but I really feel I had to vent and get this off my chest. I hate you all. Fuck. [BLEEP!]

M Sid Vicious ultimately in the end was talentless. The passage of time has turned him into a ROMANTICIZED legend. We should never forget that the first band he played for was Siouxsie and the Banshees. He played one gig with them, ruined it and was promptly fired by Siouxsie. One-and-a-half years later, he caused the Sex Pistols’ implosion. Yeah, sounds like a really great legend to me. What a loser. [BLEEP!]

M Okay, so I ain’t got so much of a problem with Scott C, because he’s good at what he does. But his last review of the new Wu-Tang Clan album, 8 Diagrams, was a little weak. Ghostface Killah, he’s got a new album out, if you want to listen to Ghostface Killah, you can listen to that. AS for ODB, he’s SIX FEET DEEP. There are a lot of other members to the clan besides Ghostface and Ol’ Dirty. In my opinion, 8 Diagrams is one hell of a damn good album, especially since they haven’t put anything out since Iron Flag. If you listen to it more than four times, you might hear that. [BLEEP!]

M Hey, this one goes out to the guy who’s talking about going from San Francisco to Chicago in his car. Hey, man, if you had to go over a mountain pass with a COVERED WAGON and it snowed and you guys had to eat your drummer and then finally you got to your gig, that would be something. But driving a car from San Francisco to Chicago, that’s nothing, man. You guys are still pussies. [BLEEP!]

M So this morning I’m walking along Notre-Dame street and I go into my everyday café, Griffintown Café, and the owner, Nick, he tells me, “Yeah, we’re closing up this week.” And I’m, like, “What the fuck?” All of Montreal’s closing and changing and slipping around for all this new weird building stuff. Anyway, much respect goes out to Gloria, Zig Zag, Ziggy, Emma, Nick, the whole crew, and everybody that was down at the Griffintown clique. This island’s changing, starting to get scary. Griffintown forever. [BLEEP!]

M Just remember guys, women size you up by looking at your SHOES to see if you have enough money. They give your shoes a glance and dismiss or accept you like that. Of course, you don’t really have to have any money, just good shoes and you can get laid a lot. Good shoes and be a good liar. [BLEEP!]

M To that lady who wanted more rants about UNDERWEAR. Well, the question is, is she willing to show her underwear or give it away and make somebody happy? How about it? [BLEEP!]

M Underwears, underwears, all you fetish fucks. You know what’s cool about underwears is thinking about all the Chinese girls in sweatshops getting to handle them and put them in boxes. Ciao, ciao. [BLEEP!]

M Hi Rant Line™. Listen, I’ve been clicking on Google and there’s a bonanza of information about 2012—the shit is supposed to hit the fan. The world’s coming to an end, we’re all becoming different beings. Does anybody have any information on this? Like, what’s happening in five years? Should we be throwing a BIG PARTY or not? [BLEEP!]

M Merry Christmas! [BLEEP!]

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