THIS WEEK: Richard Hell, limeys,
Jewcifer, Jitler!

PLUS: Exclusive schoolgirl report!!

M Hello Rant Line™. I just went to see GWAR last night and I don’t have any more SKIN. They totally tore my skin right off my bones. I feel good about it. I’m going to go through life as a skinless boy. Along with my skin, they tore of Jilter’s skin, Jewcifer’s skin, Bam Margera’s skin, Don Vito’s skin. I was covered in a ray of shit, piss, cum, puke—you name it, I was covered in it. Maybe vaginal juice too. I’m not sure. I had an awesome time. I’m just really disappointed that they never played any songs off Carnival of Chaos because that album rules. Anyway, Gwar, I love you, you love me, I have no skin. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, I was at Club Soda watching GWAR, having a great time. GWAR brought the bloody maggots and that fat 17-year old 300-pound wannabe loser stomped on my back and now I have to miss a night of work. I lose out on $117 because this little Nazi punk has to go around kicking people in the back. But GWAR’s the shit, Oderus is my bitch. [BLEEP!]

F This is for the two dumb chicks who would sit on SID VICIOUS’S DONG in a second. Why Sid Vicious? He was a dumbshit junkie murderer in a dumbshit band that was maybe historically significant but overall made shitty music. It doesn’t stand up at all, and he couldn’t even play bass. He was a joke even in the punk community, that’s how bad he was. Why would you fuck him when, if we’re talking about punk in the ’70s, you have Richard Hell, who was the sexiest man ever? If you want a junkie rock star, who better than Richard Hell sticking NEEDLES in his arms? And the conversation would be great after. Sid Vicious, he was just a retard. [BLEEP!]

M I’m calling because it’s a Monday night and I was walking along St-Viateur where I spotted an mp3 player that is in an old metal case. On one side there’s a sticker that reads VANS Off the Wall, the tour sticker, so this must be a real AFICIONADO of good music. Anybody who wants to claim it e-mail me at maximus145@hotmail.com. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

M This goes to the black man who dresses nice and has a job but still doesn’t get respect because, of course, WHITE PEOPLE are racists. You’re wrong. It’s extremely UNFASHIONABLE to be a racist in urban white anglo culture. Most white people don’t get respect either—some people have personalities that command respect from others, but most don’t. So be a man. Stop whining and learn to live with that fact. If it still bothers you, do what other people do: acquire status symbols to attain respect. [BLEEP!]

M To the guy who said that black men are the number one stereotyped and discriminated against people on the planet. Sorry, WOMEN are the number one stereotyped and discriminated people on the planet. And I think the point of this whole thing is that if you dress like a crack dealer from Little Burgundy, expect to be treated like a crack dealer from Little Burgundy. [BLEEP!]

M Check it, Rant Line™. I’d like to leave this message for that ignorant piece of asshole that said black males aren’t stigmatized by growing up in this society. I’m guessing that you’re that type of kid that, back in the day in high school or something, you probably got picked on by a couple black guys, so now you use the Rant Line™ as a medium to spread your hate. The thing that really gets to me is so many people are so fucking racist behind closed doors. They never want to show their true COLOURS. They always seem to bitch out. But you know what? Bitches have to bitch. If there wasn’t bitches out there, I’d guess we’d never really know what a man is. But, truthfully, dude, between me and you, I’m not mad at you. I wish you the best. One day you’ll finally get hair on your shit and your balls will finally DROP, manhood will begin. But, personally, just to let you know, as for me, I’m a black male. I wear a shirt and tie every day to work. I’m well educated and make more money than you’ll ever fucking see. So you know what? Holler at you, boy. Later. [BLEEP!]

M This is in response to that hack that was twittering on about Sid Vicious, going on about having “sex with that LIMEY piece of trash.” Well, I’ve really had enough of people thinking they can get away with calling people from the U.K. “limey.” Enough with your racism, okay? Fuck off. [BLEEP!]

F I’m not usually an angry person but it just so happens that there are certain individuals on the planet that happen to get me fucking mad. For instance, there’s a little group of girls at my school that literally flock around each other like SEAGULLS and constantly talk about absolutely pointless shit, like who’s looking fat lately. I’ll have you know that these girls are just fucking sluts who strive off life by sucking dicks and putting padding in their bras. It just really pisses me the fuck off. Also, these girls are led by the FAT CHICK who’s quite obviously so sexually frustrated, it’s ridiculous. And one of the girls in this group sounds like a BRITISH BABY, I shit you not! I know I shouldn’t be getting my tits in an uproar but the following is quite exclusive information. The other day this girl skipped school so she could go do Ecstasy and suck this guy off that’s almost 10 years older than her. He’s not even LEGAL. Oh, and to make me even more mad, my mom took off the stupid door to the basement. My guess is that she doesn’t want my boyfriend sitting in my room every night so we can have sex. Oh my vagina! [BLEEP!]

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