Return of the rodents

>> Alvin and the Chipmunks is a crass,
exploitative and cuddly live-action
take on the cartoon critters

HELIUM HELL: Jason Lee and friends

by ANNE MARIE MARKO

Classic cartoon and novelty act Alvin and the Chipmunks are given the live action/CGI treatment by director Tim Hill (Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties) just in time for the holidays. Yup, those helium-voiced critters from the order of rodentia are back to celebrate important good old-fashioned values like family, friendship and flatulence.

David Seville (Jason Lee) is at the end of his rope. He’s lost his girlfriend, hates his job and just can’t seem to sell the songs he pens so sincerely. He’s ready to give it all up until Alvin, Theodore and Simon, singing chipmunk brothers in desperate need of a home, cross his path. After hearing the lovable critters harmonizing outside his window, he’s reunited with his creative muse and “The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don’t Be Late)” pretty much writes itself. David’s sure he has a monster hit on his hands. And so does villainous record company mogul Ian (David Cross), who, rather than respect the three lovable chipmunks for who they are as rodents, sees them only as one great big cash cow.

And then, literally before you know it, the brothers Chipmunk are the shit and everybody wants a piece of them. But, wait, all Alvin, Theodore and Simon ever really wanted was a family, not fame—and all David ever wanted was to write great songs. Somewhere in there, they all seemed to have lost their way. Fortunately, before it’s too late, David realizes the Chipmunks are his family and rescues them from Ian’s greedy clutches, saving them from a life of constant touring, inevitable drug addiction and lots o’ foxy bitches. For Christmas he gives them what they wanted most of all: a home.

Some older parents will no doubt like this crassly exploitative—and surprisingly violent—film for nostalgic reasons and kids will dig it because they don’t know any better and because, thanks to the animation, the Chipmunks look pretty cuddly. The acting, other than Cross, who manages to retain some dignity despite his environment, is wooden at best and the plot’s about as thick as a Kraft Single and about as palatable as one too. As far as merchandising goes, it’s ’munk time! As far as good storytelling goes, it ain’t.

Alvin and the Chipmunks
opens this Friday, Dec. 14

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