Private dick for hire

>> Spying on cheating spouses isn’t always
that exciting, says local gumshoe

by CHRIS BARRY

Name: Jordan Schacter

Age: 19

Occupation: Private dick

Bio: When this motivated Westmount teen isn’t studying international business at Dawson, he’s making the scene as a private investigator with VIP Investigations, going undercover to detect employee malfeasance for corporate clients, or perhaps following you around for days on end at behest of that crazy spouse of yours who’s sure you’re getting a little on the side. “You need a lot of patience to do this job, and you’ve got to be able to handle very tense situations. You’ve also really got to be a good bullshitter, especially when you’re going undercover, because you need to bullshit your way out of lots of situations.”

What it costs to discover your wife truly is a cheating slut: “It’s roughly $50 an hour to have a PI follow someone. But the price builds quickly, because it’s going to be at least a few hours, any extra information you might want costs extra on top of that, and we often use two people to tail someone because you tend to get better results that way. Yeah, you can make pretty decent money in this job.”

One interesting investigation Jordan recently took part in: That of a woman whose husband suspected she was offering “happy endings” at the massage parlour where she worked. “He wanted me to go in with a hidden camera and tip her to offer me a happy ending. It was a pretty funny situation.”

Did he get to shoot his goo in the course of duty, and if so, was it awkward presenting video evidence of the act to this woman’s husband? “Sorry, that’s a specific case, I can’t give you any more information.”

Are people generally happy to receive video evidence proving their wife is blowing the janitor, or does it come with mixed emotions? “Usually, their reactions are kind of delayed, they need time to absorb it. In the majority of cases, they keep a professional face, but you can tell they’re stirring inside.”

Do people ever detect him staking them out? “The rule is that if somebody detects you, you stop tailing them because they’re not going to be doing anything that’s important to us if they think they’re being followed. It hasn’t happened to me yet but it’s happened to other guys before, and they’ve been beaten up.”

Does the work get kind of scary? “For sure. You never know what can happen.”

Does the job ever get boring? “Definitely. You can be sitting in a car for 12 hours straight. And it can be frustrating, like, say you have to go to the bathroom, you can’t just pick up and leave—even for a second—because that could be when everything happens. So pretty well everything you do has to be inside the car.”

Does he regularly take dumps in his vehicle? “Uh, no, I just hold it in. I don’t like the idea of shitting in my car.”

Is this the dream job for voyeurs? “Gee, I dunno, that’s a little creepy. I guess so, but I don’t think too many of our clients would be happy about hiring a peeper to watch their spouse.”

Last book read: The Volunteer, by Michael Ross with Jonathan Kay.

Musical preferences: Tupac, Biggie Smalls.

Words of wisdom: “Actions speak louder than words.”

Comments: dimwit@hdot.net