Rubbers and shrimping

Dear Sasha, Being back in the dating world after four years of marriage, I find I’m having to use condoms again (sigh). Having the sensation reduced a wee bit with the condom I find I can’t “come to a conclusion” as I could without condoms. While this is good in a way, the problem I have is that my body, producing its natural lubrication, ends up making things so slippery down there that the condom keeps slipping off, which is very frustrating for both of us. Any tips from your male readers?

—Slip Sliding Away

Dear Slip,

Try Kimono condoms. The regular sized ones fit more snugly than many other brands and they are also some of the thinnest in the world. The diminished sensation you are experiencing may be causing you to lose your boner slightly—another reason the rubber could be slipping off. A slightly tighter or even simply thinner one might do the trick. Another option is to shield the hole instead of the pole by using a female condom. And as soon as I get the German spray-on condom expected to hit the market next year, you’ll be the first to receive a review

Dear Sasha, After some thinking, I’ve decided I want to pursue sex work—but only indulging in foot fetishes. Is that even possible or do clients expect a side order of sex, even if it’s a hand or blowjob, which I don’t want to do?

Where can I find resources on foot fetishes, since I have only had limited (I’ve been shrimped twice and had a foot rub) experiences?

—Foot Ho

Dear Ho,

It’s imperative when considering a career in the sex industry to establish boundaries, but the way you express yours implies you don’t want to be a sex worker at all. You appear to be making a concession by choosing what you perceive as a non-sexual act as your service but the problem you’re going to encounter is that, to your clients, this is a sexual act. As you already understand, they’re going to expect you to be good at it. This will include acting turned on, respecting that they’re turned on and even if you won’t jerk them off with your hands or mouth, some of them are going to request you jerk them off with your feet or let them come on your toes or your shoes.

Whether you allow that or not is up to you, but it’s no side order of sex here, simply sex served up a different way. Are you ready for that? If so, definitely visit foot fetish Web sites to get some visual idea of the massive variety of what foot lovers enjoy, from stockings to barefoot and licking to tickling. Cleis (www.cleispress.com) publishes a line of erotic books, some with female domination/worship themes and there is also a line of books called the Toybag Guides with one devoted to foot and shoe worship written by the estimable Midori.

Dear Sasha, We’re a happy, sensual middle-aged couple. We enjoy sharing our sensuality with others: sometimes bi, sometimes hetero, sometimes anal, often oral, sometimes quads or trios. We’re looking for adult DVDs that resemble us (we’re not Venus or Adonis). We like tenderness, affection, respect and even humour with our sensuality. We’ve bought and garbage-canned at least 20 DVDs because they’re the opposite of what we want. Any ideas on what to buy?

—Ajaan

Dear Ajaan,

Three companies you may want to investigate are:

1. Comstock Films. Comstock works with real couples and has a talent for capturing both authentic intimacy and raw sex. It can be quite surprising to watch. Be prepared for an unexpected emotional reaction.

2. Easy on the Eye/Anna Span. Now, porn that resembles real people is all pretty relative and admittedly, Span does use performers (as does Comstock) that are traditionally ideal. However, she does have a great sense of humour and takes typical porn situations to a different place. Her work is known as “woman’s point of view,” a way of implying that female pleasure is not rushed.

3. Homegrown Video. As their slogan goes, “There’s no place like Homegrown.” Whatever you look like and whatever you like, you’ll find your smiling and sweaty doppelganger here.

Got any questions for Sasha? E-MAIL: POULEDELUXE@YAHOO.COM