THIS WEEK: Boondox, the Morgentalers,
the bourgeoisie!

PLUS: Power to the man-bag!!

M I’m ranting because I’m very, very, very excited. I just picked up the latest copy of the Mirror and I noticed that Necro, Psycho Realm, Sick Symphonies, Danny Diablo, Riviera Regime and Boondox are coming to Foufounes Electriques Wednesday, Jan. 9. This will be the best concert to come to Montreal in YEARS. I think you should all go check it out, especially for Boondox, the first time anyone from Psychopathic Records comes to Canada since 1995. I just wanted to share it with all you people. Be there, losers. [BLEEP!]

F I’d just like to say that Me Mom & Morgentaler still fucking rock. They’re amazing. And I got to talk to a bunch of the peeps after the show and they’re so kind and generous and amazing and still an inspiration to me as a young rockin’ musician in Montreal. Rock on, guys. You’re amazing. [BLEEP!]

M The Pipettes concert was awesome and the second band opening, Nicole Atkins & the Sea, was great too. Anyone who likes the DETROIT COBRAS and Garbage should check these groups. Good night. [BLEEP!]

M Hi, all you guys, this is Sebachoux from Manic Manon and the Guestlist. Yes, I saw it. Trigger Effect doing like a commercial for American Apparel. Like, those guys. The drummer started to play drums by trying to IMITATE ME, myself, and now they’re the biggest punk band in Montreal. But they’re like West Island rich kids trying to act like 12-year-olds. I knew that you would just have to wait a few years to see that they were wanker poseurs. But watch out for the new fucking Manic Manon and the Guestlist album. This is the real shit. You guys should fucking hear about it soon. [BLEEP!]

F Yeah, about the so-called ASSHOLE DANCING at the Weakerthans concert. I was up in the balcony and me and my friend were looking at him and we thought it was great. He was having the time of his life. There are so many concerts I’ve been to where there’s all these fucking… I don’t even know what to call them, they’re not even HIPSTERS anymore. Just people standing there, stroking their chins, it’s like they’re afraid to enjoy themselves. It’s, like, Montreal, I’m way above having a good time at a show. I go to shows in Toronto and Ottawa and people are dancing around and bumping into people. Why do you go to concerts if you hate the band’s music or act like you hate the band’s music? [BLEEP!]

M I totally agree with the guy who went to Unity and wanted to keep his little bag with him. We’ve got bags, too, us guys, and we should be allowed to keep them, just like the girls keep their purses. We’ve got cellphones in there, iPods, and we don’t want to leave this stuff at coatcheck. And those bouncers should be a little more welcoming, because if we don’t go to the clubs then they won’t have a job and they should realize that. It’s the city, we’ve got bags. We go around carrying things. Power to the man-bag! [BLEEP!]

M This is for young black men complaining that they’re STIGMATIZED. Well, stop dressing up like a gang-rapper gangster with your hood hiding half of your face. Get an education and a job instead of selling drugs on street corners in Centre-Sud. I see all of you guys pimping young underage girls. Get a job, get an education, then you’ll get respect. [BLEEP!]

F For all those perverts yakking about private school girls’ uniforms and their short skirts, maybe you should stop focusing on these kids’ appearances and start talking about what’s really important. Like, duh, condom fatigue and the lack of sexual education here in Quebec. Who cares if these girls dress like sluts? Dressing to look provocative won’t kill you, but AIDS will. [BLEEP!]

M Let private schoolgirls have a piece of it, everybody knows they’re already wed to their dad’s best friend’s son. Misery to BOURGEOISIE. [BLEEP!]

M Hey, this is for the guy asking about the HELICOPTERS over Montreal downtown. Listen, guy, it’s for a film. The film is called Carmageddon, Death Race 3000, and we’re shooting around Old Montreal, next to the Old Port of Montreal and the silos. So don’t worry. There’s nothing nasty about it. Just the bang-bangs and pow-pows of the film. [BLEEP!]

M To the girl who complained about guys closing their eyes when they’re fucking having sex. That could be because we don’t want to come and we’re concentrating. Or it could be because you’re pig-ugly. Cheers. [BLEEP!]

M This goes out to the girl who was wondering where she could deposit her extra COMPOST. It’s good that she wants to deposit it and not just throw it out, but the Rant Line™ isn’t a Q & A column and that doesn’t sound like much of a rant! So what is she doing asking advice or where she could DEPOSIT SHIT?! It just makes no sense to me. Whatever. [BLEEP!]

M So here’s the PEANUT UPDATE. Being a northerner dummy, I didn’t know that you had to let them sit for a week to dry before they’re roasted. I just waited a couple of days when the shells were dry and I roasted them and they were all wet—but they did taste like peanuts. They were hard to chew, that’s what the word is, and soggy, but they were peanuts. The peanuts grew properly. You can grow peanuts in Quebec now, global warming. Al Gore warned us about it. [BLEEP!]

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