Man bones stuffed dog!

Nobody wanted to come right out and say the 27-year-old Winnipeg man sexually penetrated a stuffed dog. The Crown prosecutor did say the toy had no orifices when it left its lawful owner’s possession, and quite clearly had one when police found it. And that the orifice had seen some lovin’. Add the fact that the man was found unconscious next to the toy with his junk exposed, and that makes him a stuffed dog fucker.

Police were first alerted them to the man’s antics by a woman who caught him trying to break into her garage. The man then broke into another garage and stole a lawn mower, bicycle, blanket and the stuffed dog. He later returned to the first garage, crawled into a boat, crafted an orifice in the dog of indeterminate gender, banged it and passed out.

Arguing as best he could, defence attorney Chris McCoy told a Winnipeg court that his client, who is no stranger to police, only commits criminal acts when he has been drinking. With a prior record and guilty plea to theft, B&E and mischief, the man will be spending six months in jail drying out.

by Scott Saxon