No homos, thanks

Dear Sasha, I am 25 and needed extra money so I went to moonlight at a male escort agency advertised in a gay magazine that was hiring. At the interview, I was told my body was okay for work but was asked if I was bisexual or straight. The manager told me he does not hire any gay guys.

I gave him the answer he wanted but I cannot understand how a guy who runs a principally gay male escort agency can be so homophobic and hypocritical. Unfortunately, though, this agency works for me because of the clients I get and because I am not effeminate.

—Jason

Dear Jason ,

Erg. It’s hard to make arguments opposing blanket ideas about gay sexual expression (see last week’s column) when the very people selling it pander to such stereotypes.

Former male escort, writer and Kink season two star Todd Klinck adds his two cents, though, with the caveat, “Without seeing the promotional material for the escort agency, I’m not sure if what I’m saying is valid, but here goes: I would suspect that the agency he’s working for is catering to men who only want to hire bisexual or straight male escorts. Those running sex trade businesses, especially when we now live in a world where the Internet lets you choose super specific fetishes, have every right to ask prospective employees what their orientation is, if the orientation is an important thing to the clients.”

Despite the distastefulness, the agency manager was honest and told you up front that he didn’t hire gay guys. “If Jason is uncomfortable that he lied in his job interview,” Todd says, “then he shouldn’t work for the agency. If he is getting good clients, and the white lie of saying he’s bi or straight helps fulfil the clients’ fantasies, and Jason can live with that, then what’s the problem? I know many male clients who are simply not turned on by gay escorts, and since they are the ones doing the hiring, it’s their right to choose their fantasy.”

Todd advises that you should be comfortable with who you’re working for and if this particular quality bothers you about the escort agency manager, maybe you should consider working freelance.

Dear Sasha, I’m interested in dating men after 10 years of exclusively dating women, and I would like to know when to disclose this. I have envisioned telling guys before sexual relations, but then it’s the case of either: A) I’m the man that turned her straight (blah, blah, blah), or B) I’m just a man and how the hell can I compete with a woman? I think guys may either get too egotistical or too self-conscious.

—Switch Hitter

Dear Switch,

Well, naturally, seeing as how you’ll be screening potential dates for idiotic ideas about the easily cured disorder—or inherently superior sexual skills— of lesbianism, you won’t run into these problems at an inopportune time.

I can’t say it’s utterly without justification, and I’m certainly guilty of it myself, but you are bringing some pretty strong prejudices to the exchange from the outset. Perhaps after a decade of dating dames, you’ve developed some clichéd impressions about men and how they’re going to behave around a woman who fucks women. It’s true that some men have some pretty clichéd ideas themselves but you likely won’t be interested in them in the first place. It’s pretty obvious you’re not a lady who wants anything to do with a gent who has beer commercial ideas about dykes.

Consider posting a profile looking for bisexual men. They will certainly be less inclined to have egotistical delusions about “turning someone straight” or anxiety about women being the more competent sex partner since they too have it both ways. And hey, there’s a couple of lads on averagewalkingcliche.com, our dating Web site for geeks, who might be right up your alley. Who’s this cutie “with the curse of finding queer girls attractive” looking for a “bi-identified queer girl with a taste for (safe) kink and an eye for the not-quite-gay guy” hmm?

Got any questions for Sasha? E-MAIL: POULEDELUXE@YAHOO.COM