THIS WEEK: Thongs, poetry, pig’s feet,
David Usher!

PLUS: Man with bag claims discrimination!!

F This is for the person who was complaining about Graham Van Pelt taking off his shirt at the Think About Life concert. I’d just like to say that he can do whatever the fuck he wants! He’s Graham Van Pelt – who the fuck are you?! [BLEEP!]

F This is the aftershock after David Usher. I just want to thank him for coming to Montreal again and I can’t wait to see his next concert. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

M Ian Curtis is alive. I saw him at an Anti-School-Year show. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, I’m calling to bitch about CJLO, Concordia’s radio. When are they going to get on the air?! Get some real management and that’s all I’ve got to say. Get some real management. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, I just want to rant about that broad on CKUT who does POETRY every week in the morning. As if people want to hear poetry in the morning by her! She’s a poetry fanatic and every time I try listening to it, I fall asleep and that’s bad because I have to go to work, fuck. [BLEEP!]

M This is for the guy who’s bragging about Halo 3 and the video game industry, saying that all other forms of mass entertainment are a footnote. Um, you might just want to look into the dawn of human history and try getting laid. You should ask your parents about it, you’re probably living in their house anyway. All right. Take it easy. [BLEEP!]

M Oy! Those DRUNK GIRLS from the Cock ‘N Bull! What the fuck? “Dancing With Myself” is better than “White Wedding”?! Get over yourselves. [BLEEP!]

F Yo, this is a message for the Two Drunk Girls. We’re TWO DRUNKER GIRLS and you guys are stupid because we just fucking beat your drunk! The second drunk can tell you what we did. [Second drunk girl] You guys are pussies, okay? “Oh, boo hoo, we requested a song and it didn’t get played.” Oh, cry me a river! We never do shit like that because we’re not stupid little pre-teen drunk girls, okay? [First girl again] Suck my dick, bitch. Yeah, that’s right, suck it hard, bitch. And you know what we just did because we’re so fucking drunk? We just put potatoes all over my kitchen! You guys should fucking stop trying because we are so much drunker. Don’t even try! That’s what I’m saying, man. Suck my dick and suck her dick and don’t suck your other drunk girl’s dick because you’re fucking not drunk enough, man. [BLEEP!]

M This guy goes out to the poor guy who had his lilac tree picked on Coloniale street. Listen man, you have to understand something. You live in the Plateau and if you have a nice car or a nice house or a motorcycle or something, you’re not allowed, you know? It’s against the rules, because the Plateau’s now a ghetto. If I were you, I would get some spray paint, graffiti your car and your house and you probably will be left alone. Welcome to the new world. Or you could buy a BB GUN and shoot the little hip hop bastards that you see walking down Coloniale street. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, I’m calling to give a big up to fucking Soares and fils, corner of de Bullion and Duluth. It’s a depanneur and you walk in and there’s a BUTCHER counter, you can get salt cod, you can get spicy chorizo, you can get PIG’S FEET, you can get God knows what else. It’s the only depanneur I know with a butcher counter in it and it’s fucking awesome. Word up. [BLEEP!]

M Hey, this goes out to the baby that I saw on the bus today. I just want to say that I know how you feel. You got NO TEETH, no money and have no fucking clue where your life is going—I feel your pain. [BLEEP!]

M Okay, so I go out to Unity, I went through the coatcheck, paid my cover and as I’m going in, the bouncer tells me to check my bag. I say, “But my bag has my cell phone and my wallet and all my shit in it.” And he says, “Well, put it in your pockets.” And I said, “Well, if I’d wanted to put it in my pockets, I would have done that and not brought any bag.” He goes, “You have to check your bag.” So I check my bag, I go in and what’s the first thing I see? A GIRL WITH A BAG. Someone want to tell me why girls get to keep their bags and boys don’t? What’s up with that? If I’d been wearing skinny jeans and my wallet and my cell phone had ruined the LINE of my jeans while I was trying to have a good time, oh, then it’d really suck. Somebody do something about this. [BLEEP!]

F This is four girls who are calling in response to the person who wanted more rants about underwear. We’d like to talk about THONGS. We hate them. They’re disgusting. They are ugly and especially when they’re hanging out of girls’ jeans that are too low, it’s really unattractive. And the thong in itself is disgusting. Me, personally, I don’t want something up my butt all day long. I just don’t. And that’s that. But thongs are awesome in the song “The Thong Song.” [BLEEP!]

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