Heroic failure

>> Stephen Colbert’s I Am America (And So
Can You!) is a nice try that falls a little flat

by Juliet Waters

I am not one of America’s heroes. That would be true even if I weren’t Canadian. Stephen Colbert makes it very clear in the first chapter of I Am America (And So Can You!) that this book is not for me.

“This book is for America’s Heroes. And who are the Heroes? The people who bought this book. That bears repeating. People who borrow this book are not Heroes. They are no better then [sic] welfare queens mooching off the system like card-carrying library card-carriers. For the record. We’re not offering this book to libraries. No free rides.”

There’s nothing in here about reviewers who receive free review copies, but even so, I blew it again by skipping straight to the transcript of Colbert’s notorious speech at the 2006 White House Correspondents’ Dinner. In the brief introduction to that chapter, Colbert redefines Heroes in a footnote: “People who did not skip ahead to this chapter, but read the book from start to finish as intended.”

Amazing. It’s almost like he knew that readers couldn’t stop themselves from flipping to the end. That they couldn’t resist the lure of that sheet of shiny silver stickers that seems to magically open the book right at that chapter. (“Heroes, by buying and reading this book, you’ve proven that you get it—and are therefore now members of the nominating committee for The Stephen T. Colbert Award for the [sic] Literary Excellence. Use the medallions below to nominate any book that you feel embodies the values of the Colbert Nation.”) Or it’s almost as though he knew you might find yourself getting a little bored by about chapter two.

Even if Stephen Colbert was America, the sad reality is that I Am America is not Stephen Colbert. Without Colbert’s special je ne sais quoi animating these words and distracting you from the spelling and grammar mistakes, too often the text falls a little flat.

Thank God for all the extra stuff, the stickers (there’s another set you can use to highlight favourite passages, about as many as you’ll need), a cut-out sign alerting firefighters to how many copies of I Am America need to be rescued, and the fun-zone sidebars with games like “Name the Aca-demon Lurking Behind the Beard” (who knew Gloria Steinem could look so much like Kris Kristofferson!).

Still, the book is going to suffer from the obvious comparison. Anyone who has read and enjoyed America (by the Daily Show crew, including Colbert) is going to realize pretty fast that I Am America is not America or anything close. Maybe because it wasn’t so bound to one voice and one character, America is richer, funnier, less predictable, more colourful, longer and more satisfying in pretty much every way. All America is missing are the stickers and one brilliant speech that may very well go down in the history of political comedy as its best moment ever.

That speech alone makes Colbert my hero, the wind beneath my wings etc. For that, I’m willing to cut Colbert a little slack, and I’m guessing others will too.

Even if I can’t be a hero, I can still encourage it in others. So, Nation, I offer this advice to the brave souls willing to shell out the money. There are just some books that should be read aloud, like the Bible and A Series of Unfortunate Events (but only by Tim Currie), and this one.

Unfortunately, I Am America the audio book doesn’t come with stickers, which means to fully enjoy this book, you have to imagine hearing Colbert’s voice while you’re reading; and you have to pace yourself and enjoy it in small doses; and when you’re finished, you have to take that sheet of silver stickers to the bookstore and put one of those medallions on every Ann Coulter book you can find. Because in Colbert’s own words: “You can take that to the bank. I know I will.”

I am America (And So Can You!) by
Stephen Colbert, Grand Central
Publishing, HC, 240PP, $26.99