English on the line

>> Tele-ESL teacher converses with
foreigners who hope to learn lingua anglia

by CHRIS BARRY

Name: Helen Savage

Age: 26

Occupation: Tele-ESL teacher

Bio: This loquacious Plateau babe was weaned in Liverpool, England and, after meeting a swell Montreal guy in Banff, Alberta, where she’d gone for a year to develop her snowboarding skills, relocated to Montreal in the fall of 2005 to do, um, nothing—“other than the occasional cash job here and there.” Since finally landing herself a Canadian work visa last spring, Helen has been dividing her time between waitressing at Al Dente in NDG and teaching conversational English via phone and Webcam for a European company called gofluent.com. She aspires to launch a high-end French restaurant with her chef boyfriend, Jordan, sometime in the next five years.

Where her students come from: “All over Europe but mostly Russia, France, Italy and Spain. Most of them work for big companies that have recently gone international or been taken over by Americans and now demand that their employees learn to speak English quickly and fluently. They call during their work hours.”

How it works: Helen’s bio and photo is posted online, and students who like the looks of her call up to yak about shit in English.

What she brings in: $12.50 an hour. “It’s great, I choose my hours, working as much or little as I want so long as it’s more than 18 hours a week.”

What the hell she talks about with Euro-strangers she knows absolutely zero about? “Whatever they want. Usually, the first time we just chat about whatever, and then I’ll try to think of something cool we can talk about for the next time. We have access to a big bank of resources: magazine articles, grammar exercises and such, so I might send one of those to the student in advance to give us something to discuss for awhile, and then we’ll just move on to whatever we feel like talking about that day.”

What the Russians all want to talk about: “Money and cars, that’s it.”

The French: “As with any huge generalization like this, it depends, of course, but the French like talking about the cultural differences between England and France. And how shitty they feel the food is in England.”

The Italians: “English women. And they talk about themselves a lot—especially the men.”

The Germans: “They don’t want to waste any time with small talk. They want to get straight down to the lesson as quickly as possible. They’re very strict about it, really rigid—although their English is generally very good.”

When teaching via Webcam, is “Will you slide your hand down the front of your panties and start touching yourself” one of the first things many male students learn to say in English? “Actually, most people don’t want their lessons via webcam, they’re too shy. But nobody is ever that rude. I don’t care when they flirt anyway, it can be funny sometimes. And I’ve met so many cool people doing this.”

Best part of the gig: Being able to work from home in her pajamas.

Last book read: White Noise, by Don DeLillo.

Musical preferences: Soundgarden, Stone Temple Pilots, CCR.

Words of wisdom: “Life is like a novel—if you don’t travel, you’ve only read one page.”

Comments: dimwit@hdot.net