Welcome to Montreal, leave your superego at the door

Fun for the Underachieving Student and the Neophyte Plateau-ite (an abridged Disco Volante Special):

Monday: A night to stay home and put to use that self-administered Brazilian wax kit you’ve been saving in the pantry, or write a letter to the Prime Minister, congratulating him on his fabulous new voter racial-profiling policies and manly choice of facial products. Don’t forget to ask him where he gets that statesmanlike shade of crimson lipstick—I believe it’s called Rouge des hostie d’crosseurs. But if you really feel the need to go get scoobied, you can always station yourself around St-Laurent and Duluth. There, you’ll have easy access to both Blizzarts and Korova for fine, cover-free evenings of glam, new wave, electro, synth-pop and other such assorted treats. Plus, Korova recently got a couple of dope classic coin-op video games to go along with their pool table and foosball.

Tuesday: Tuesday’s all about Honky Tonk. I realize the incongruity of this, given the decidedly un-honky nature of this column, but you’d be surprised at just how much boogying goes down at the nomadic Honky Tonk Tuesday. For more info, ask your local neighbourhood scoundrels, scruffballs and ne’er-do-wells, or anyone you see who happens to be carrying a banjo and a quart of whiskey. Other than that, the best place to find beats are easily Peer Pressure’s weekly, crunkly, slam-dunkly residency at Blizzarts, and tech-house stalwart DizzyPhunk at Daomé, this week with Pig&Dan from Spain.

Wednesday: Tokyo. Let’s face it.

Thursday: Overdose at Parking is the only gigantic nightclub weekly worth frequenting. Lots of others have great guests from time to time, but Overdose has been consistently dope for years. Otherwise, Mix Thursdays at Saphir is a grab bag of local DJ talent, while those interested in putting on the ritz can hit up the W for some funky old-school jams.

Friday: I recommend Green Room for both the best and the cheesiest in current pop, or wading through the ocean of chavs at Tokyo to get to the little side room for some prime cuts of disco, or dropping by Academy, always a good bet on Fridays. Also, Cherry Cola launches a new dance-punk weekly at Foufounes Électriques this Friday night.

Saturday: Blizzarts’ Plateau Saturdays is most definitely worth a gander if you find yourself in the neighbourhood, but Saturday is really about one-off events, as many of the best concerts and big dance parties tend to happen Saturday.

Sunday: Piknic Électronik still has a few editions coming before the longjohns come out of the closet, so peep one of the last episodes of the best weekly party in the city, outdoors on Ile-Ste-Hélène all day long on Sundays.

Finally, be sure to catch analog freak extraordinaire Dan Deacon and Frisco rockers Numbers gettin’ all Hal 9000 on your ass when they open for Girl Talk at la Tulipe tonight, Sept. 13. Damian Lazarus visits Stereo when DiskHo hits its terrible twos on Saturday. Brazilian hot topic Bonde Do Role bounce the baseboards with Juiceboxxx at la Sala Rossa on Tuesday, and don’t flake out when Chromeo opens for a special instrumental set by Beastie Boys at Metropolis on Wednesday. Kazaam!

You’re next, Mackay! jack.oatmon@gmail.com