Bands and boobs,
blood and barf

Mirror: Can you describe a few highlights from previous years?

Panic: Well, the pain contest is always quite something. There’s always blood because the first person who shows blood loses. This year, it will involve some pretty fucking serious mouse traps—I’m expecting to break skin, have some bloody knuckles going on. Contestants are going to have to snap three mouse traps on their hand and proceed to take a shot of… you know that hot sauce you see everywhere with the rooster on it? Yeah, they’ll have to take that with some wasabi and Jagermeister thrown in for good taste. The other thing with the pain contest this year is we’ve got the Montreal Roller Derby girls coming down. It’ll be how many punches you can take from a Montreal Roller Derby girl. The first person to show blood loses.

M: Can we look forward to chicks from the audience coming onstage to get naked? You know, like spring break with a twist?

P: Well, that didn’t happen over the last two years, but this year Tangerine Dream is coming down, so that’s a guarantee on the naked chicks. I think she said something about doing a wet t-shirt-type of thing so that’s very spring break. And I’m suggesting that she hold a flagpole-raising contest, a couple of guys onstage, down to their boxers, and see who can get a boner first.

M: Now that’s entertainment.

Black eggs, no ham

SOME LIKE IT LOUD: Trigger Effect

M: What’s the gnarly eating contest about?

P: Well, last year, for the gnarly eating contest I brought in a full pig head and had it sliced in half. And then the contestants had to suck out the brains and the first one to do it won.

M: What’s on the menu this year?

P: We have an ancient Chinese recipe involving duck eggs. They’re called 100-year-old eggs and they’re apparently a delicacy in China, or so I’m told. They’re duck eggs that have been preserved in tea leaves and clay and ash and left to sit for about 40 days. And the result is the egg, well, the shell looks model green and then when you crack it open, everything that should be white is black and the yolk is like a greenish black—and it smells like fuckin’ paint thinner. The winner will be the first person to eat six of them.

I’m thinking we’ll probably get a puker this year. Last year—I think it was raw eggs and salt we were doing—we had one guy puke. Two guys were competing, one guy finished before the other one and the loser guy suddenly puked into his glass and handed it to the other guy. And the other guy, not realizing it was puke, just drank it down. Pretty impressive stuff, but fuckin’ gross though.

M: So these sideshow events are open to the audience if they want to participate?

P: Yeah, that’s exactly how it works. Nothing is predetermined, it’s just whoever yells, “Hey, fuck me.” I pick them and then they get to do nasty shit for cool prizes.

M: How cool are these cool prizes?

P: Uh, we’ve got some gift certificates for tattoos, a bunch of t-shirts, CDs, fun shit like that.

M: Anything else you wanna hype?

P: I don’t know, there’s so much going on, but you can be sure there will be plenty of surprises.

At Foufounes Electriques on
Sunday, Sept. 2, 8 p.m., $10