Tears of a clown

>>Neil Hamburger picks on celebrities
and dwells on past failures

MISERY LOVES COMEDY: Neil Hamburger

by JOHNSON CUMMINS

We’ve all heard the phrase, “That was so funny I forgot to laugh,” yet only a select few have hit these comedic heights of hilarity. One such mirth-maker is Neil Hamburger, whose jokes have often silenced rooms—a true measure of his comedic genius. Not since the golden era when Pauly Shore split our sides, Robin Williams stuffed his snoot full of Peruvian marching powder and ranted like a man on the verge of a nervous breakdown and since Dharma and Greg first hit the air has America forgotten to laugh so much. The Mirror caught up with “America’s Funny Man” in between sets at a car dealership somewhere in the Midwest.

Mirror: You have constantly used celebrity culture in your comedy. Have you gotten any good material from the current sorry state of young Hollywood?

Neil Hamburger: They all seem to be sick in the head. They go to rehab, get out and go straight to the closest tavern and then make a record of music that sounds like somebody crapping in a bowl. They send a message to the young people that if they crap in a bowl or stab themselves in the eye with a compass, they can become famous and that’s just not true.

M: In these trying times, it seems we need to laugh more than ever, and your spun gold like “What’s the difference between Elton John and a saber-tooth tiger? I don’t know, but just keep it away from my ass” seems to put a skip in downtrodden steps.

NH: Well, I am there to relieve people’s burdens and get them to forget their problems through entertaining them, and a joke like that can help people, even if only for 15 seconds.

M: Yet again, Montreal’s Just for Laughs festival did not include you. Have you felt slighted about this gross oversight?

NH: Well, those people aren’t comedians they are just people auditioning for sitcoms. People who are really committed to comedy like myself are struggling, suffering, miserable, crying and failing for their craft.

M: I notice that you have often been on bills with rock bands and end up playing to largely humourless hordes—why?

NH: Well, it’s really a numbers game and promoters figure they would rather have me on stage getting booed by 500 people than play to three people who simply don’t care. These audiences will toughen you up as a comedian, though, by breaking your spirit. They will often bring a lot of hatred, bitterness and hatred out of me. I am trying to entertain these people and they will chant things like “asshole” to me. I just don’t understand it.

M: Do you ever feel pressure from your fans to be funny at all times?

NH: Well, like right now, I’m not being paid to do this interview, so I don’t really feel like being funny right now. When I’m not on stage being funny, I usually just dwell on my past failures. That’s how I pass the time.

M: Is there a water cooler joke that people without a sense of humour could use on their co-workers?

NH: Sure, they can try this: Did you hear the one about the pregnant bed bug? She gave birth in the spring.

With Daiquiri and Deluxe Mixed Nuts
at Zoobizarre on Tuesday, Aug. 28, 9 p.m., $10