This week: Good, bad, heavy and hot cops!

Plus: Where is the country music scene?!

“edited” by AL SOUTH
sub-edited by ROGER ARGENT

M Yeah, this is for the guy who said I have too much time on my hands making the Toenail MySpace page. It was worth the four minutes it took to expose you TREND WHORES. [BLEEP!]

M Regarding the talk about the NO HATS POLICY in hip hop clubs. What the fuck do hats have to do with gang members? Bandannas maybe—but hats? Come on. My grandfather wears a hat. So what—now he’s down with the Rolling 20s? Get real. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, this is about police in the metro. At 4:30 on July 17, I saw two DRUG DEALS go down within 10 feet of two cops standing outside Lionel-Groulx metro, broad daylight. Meanwhile, I go inside, there’s four cops making sure nobody’s jumping the turnstile. Nice call, boys. Good work. [BLEEP!]

M Hey, was it just me or was the way the cops decided to roll in SUPER HEAVY two Saturdays ago at the corner of Pine and St-Laurent just crazy? I mean, they came in and basically decided to start bashing skulls. That shit was crazy out-of-hand. Now I know the cops are supposed to be helping you but, man, that was pretty much bordering right on police brutality. I got a ticket, my friend got a ticket, lots of people got tickets. And we were just there witnessing some bad heinous police over-aggressiveness go down. So watch out everybody, the cops are not necessarily your friends and don’t get up in their grill because they are not going to obey your rights. It could happen to me, it could happen to anyone. Peace. [BLEEP!]

M This is for my man, Moe, who wanted to know why all the hot Quebecer lady cops are looking so good and applying for the police force. It’s because me and my boys, we’re hot, we’re CRIMINALS and the only way they can meet us is if they arrest us, you know what I mean? It’s all about being a bad-ass. Holler at your boy, one time. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, this in response to Moe from his bathroom at his job. This is (someone claiming to be) an officer from the Montreal Urban Community police. Yes, it is true that many of the women police officers are very much beautiful, but this is just coincidence. They go through their training like everybody else. It’s not that they are now only hiring beautiful women, it’s just not true. They are very beautiful, but they go through very rigorous training. They are beautiful women who need to be respected like everybody. So thank you very much and have a nice day. [BLEEP!]

M Listen, I’m a bouncer and I work at a few bars in Montreal and if I catch you people smoking a pinner, one paper joint, two paper joint, I don’t give a fuck, you smoke inside the place, you’re out of there. It’s a fucking law. [BLEEP!]

F Hey, Rant Line™, I was just wondering where the hell is the country music scene in Montreal? This sucks. I need some country music. Peace. [BLEEP!]

M Hey, I just want to let everybody know that thinking FAT PEOPLE are sexy is not a goddamn fetish, it’s a preference. [BLEEP!]

F This goes out to the woman with the disgusting poodle hair and her trying-to-be cool mother who looks like she had a botched rhinoplasty. The only place you should change your child’s DIAPER is in the bathroom, not on the table of Picasso’s restaurant on July 9 at 1:45 p.m. Then you have the audacity to be rude to the waitress who’s going to have to wipe that baby’s shit off the table. Take a goddamned parenting class. [BLEEP!]

M Mirror, mirror on the wall, tell me I’m not the only fucking person that thinks our METRO system sucks. During rush hour, it’s packed full of people, it’s hot, it’s sweaty, there’s no air-conditioning, it breaks down for 45 fucking minutes and you got to sit around waiting while you sweat your balls off and there’s nothing to hold on to. Fucking making me sick to my stomach, $2.75 a pop, the price keeps going up, they don’t add any extra services except for two extra metro stations in the middle of Buttfuck, Nowhere. Sure, add a couple more hundred people to the metro so no one else can fucking fit on there! It really pisses me off!! Tremblay and all the others running the place, do something for Christ’s sake! [BLEEP!]

M So it’s midnight and I’m here in my apartment, cooking tacos and listening to the radio and I’m just generally making a lot of NOISE and I just had this revelation: If cities are getting more and more like New York and Tokyo where everything’s 24/7, then what good are noise by-laws? What happens when 50 per cent of the population works night shifts? Is it going to be fair to those people when everyone’s making a bunch of noise during the day? No, it’s not. So to people who complain about the noise at night, just buy some earplugs and a night mask and get with the 21st century. [BLEEP!]

M Hey, this is to the guy wanting to cancel the fireworks. The fireworks are awesome. They are colourful and exciting, they bring people together and they are supposed to be LOUD. And it’s only 10 out of 365 days a year. If you want to go to a real quiet boring place that’s like a cemetery, you should go to Vancouver where all the other snobs are. Now if only women were allowed to go TOPLESS, summers in Montreal would be perfect. [BLEEP!]

Got an opinion on the local scene?
We want to hear from you!
Call or fax 271-RANT (7268).