Tales from the Tomb

by ERIK LEIJON

Back in 1996, when the buxom Lara Croft first exploded onto the PS1 and Saturn scenes with the original Tomb Raider, it marked the important transition from blocky game characters with no discernible human characteristics to a steady influx of tits and ass, even where it didn’t seem all that appropriate (unless alien ’tang is your thing).

Since then, the first lady of gaming has slowly descended into self-parody, with a parade of awful sequels and two movies not even a physically enhanced Angelina Jolie could save. And for a time, it looked as though Eidos’s premier brand was as droopy and saggy as Croft’s own carriage minus a steel brassiere.

Finally, after the buggy Angel of Darkness, the folks at Crystal Dynamics realized that Ubisoft’s Prince of Persia, with its wall climbing and acrobatic gameplay, was exactly what Tomb Raider circa the 21st century should be, and in typical grave-robber fashion, raided every unique aspect of Persia for 2005’s Tomb Raider Legend. Some might find it repulsive, but truthfully, Lara Croft plus PoP made for a compelling experience. Tomb Raider Anniversary (PC/Eidos, Crystal Dynamics) takes the original title of 1996 and modernizes the graphics and gameplay, to better suit the new Tomb Raider. Of note is that I downloaded the game using the Steam service, although it is available in retail.

The level design in Tomb Raider wasn’t exactly as memorable as, say, GoldenEye or Super Mario 64, largely because many of the same types of traps repeated themselves. The game naturally took place mostly in dreary caves with some minor platform jumping thrown in, so more shake-up was needed. The levels look familiar in terms of design, but it feels like a new game—ledges are now climbable, and there are poles to swing from. I’ve never been able to say this about a Tomb Raider game before, but the exploration aspect is definitely something Anniversary does well. Every level is packed with relics, or even minor areas, that are worth checking out.

Unfortunately, the crummy gun-toting scenes are still present, and shooting bats and gigantic bears is as lame as ever. Crystal Dynamics missed an opportunity to create some less generic enemies.

Whether or not this game works for you will not depend on your appreciation of the original Tomb Raider, but rather of 2005’s Legend. Lara, whose comic features largely ruined many pre-teens’ expectations of what the actual female form looks like (turns out Sir Mix-A-Lot wasn’t the only man looking for a 36D bust and a 24-inch waist), is less busty now, with more detail put into her facial features and curvy legs. Her movements are even more impressive, considering the myriad of gymnastic-related moves she can pull off.

I found playing with the keyboard and mouse rather difficult, especially when it came to managing the jerky camera. Console fans might want to wait until September, when Anniversary is expected to be released for the Xbox 360.

Gamer fuel

If there’s anything I like more than video games, it’s probably sustenance. The fine folks at Uncommon Loot have created the Headshot gaming candy bar, because gamers and junkfood go hand in hand.

With 100 grams of Guarana infused in a shell of chocolate, toffee and granola-ish stuff, the idea is that the caffeine and chocolate will cause your eyelids to jut out of your skull, eliminating those vulnerable milliseconds you spend blinking. It tastes like a slightly better granola bar, and coupled with a four-pack of Molson Kick, is part of a healthy and balanced breakfast. For more info on this chewy, albeit tangentially-related gaming product, check out www.uncommonloot.com.