Saviour machine

>> Local man scores Russian gizmo that
he claims will send pain packing

by CHRIS BARRY

Name: Darren Stamos

Age: 35

Occupation: SCENAR technician

Bio: When this compelling TMR heartbreaker first came across the pain-management device known as the SCENAR at an “Extreme Health” conference in SoCal last winter, he was “highly skeptical” that the Star Trek-like gizmo could actually work the wonders that its manufacturers claimed. But after on-site technicians applied the device to his chronically dislocated shoulder for one three-minute session and discovering he could suddenly move his arm all the way behind his back with no pain whatsoever, Darren says shelling out the $3,750 for a SCENAR of his own “was an absolute no-brainer, the easiest decision of my life, these people are miracle-workers, literally.” Apparently developed by the Soviets for their space program “as an alternative to drugs and surgery,” Darren says he foresees the day when the SCENAR becomes the standard in pain relief, doing away with acetaminophen forever.

How the gizmo is alleged to work: “Basically, your brain processes 2,000 bits of information per second, but there are 40 billion bits of information coming at it at any one point. So if a condition isn’t life threatening, it doesn’t make it very high on your brain’s list, which is how we wind up with chronic pain. So the SCENAR sends nervous signals to your brain saying, ‘Hey, this is an area that needs attention,’ and gets it on a frequency where it has the brain send back healing frequencies for that area. Essentially, it creates a dialogue with your brain, and I realize how crazy it all sounds, but I’m not kidding, the results are absolutely astounding. It’s completely blown me away.”

Can the SCENAR cure cancer? “Well, officially, it’s categorized as a pain-management device, but unofficially, yeah, it’ll heal...well, they haven’t reached the boundaries of what it can do yet, but it can do tons.”

If he woke up one morning dripping gonorrhea, would he simply zap his penis with the SCENAR and feel comfortable about slipping it into a new partner that evening, or would he head on down to the STD clinic? “Hmm, for gonorrhea, I’ve no idea. It’s certainly possible, but all I’m trained to do is heal pain, so if your jaw was hurting, I could heal that, if you blew a hole in your eardrum, I could do that. Tendonitis, arthritis, all chronic pain can be healed with the SCENAR. And the results are permanent.”

If the SCENAR is so amazing, why isn’t it used in traditional Western medicine? “Ah, but it is being used, in Western Europe, China, Russia. Professional sports teams are using it. There are currently 1,500 SCENAR units in North America, it is being used!”

What a Scenar session with Darren will cost you: “Whatever you feel it’s worth to have your pain alleviated, be that $20 or $200 bucks. I never intended to use this on anyone but myself and my family, but if I can help people and bring in some income at the same time, well, it’s a win-win situation.” Contact him via ihealyourpain@gmail.com

Last book read: Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill

Musical preferences: Coldplay

Words of wisdom: “Courage is when there is something more important than fear.”

Comments: dimwit@hdot.net