An eye
for cock

Without further research, it would be impossible to accurately assess what the average Oregonian penis looks like. However, based on recent complaints from residents of Keizer, Oregon, about the phallic appearance of newly installed traffic posts, it’s clear the Keizerites have either never actually seen a penis or should be seeing a good plastic surgeon. Intended to help protect pedestrians from traffic, the posts began inciting calls of complaint almost as soon as they were erected. Concerned citizens were aghast that their city leaders would throw up structures that so closely resembled male genitalia.

City manager Chris Eppley says he “can’t disagree” with the penis-like appearance of the posts and explains that they looked different in the catalogue.

Clearly Eppley has never been to a Pride parade, as he says the city will correct the problem by fitting the posts with metal collars and chains. “If that fix doesn’t work,” Eppley says, “we’ll have wasted $20,000 and we’ll have to do something different.”

by Scott Saxon