No-fly guys

by RAF KATIGBAK

Two boys named Alistair Butt, one from Saskatchewan and one from Ontario, were stopped while trying to board flights last week because their name matches a name that appears on a no-fly list.

—CBC News, Saturday, June 30

And I thought I had name troubles. Sure, my high school was an endless stream of taunts that morphed my last name into “Knick-knack-Paddywack,” “Fatty-sack” and “Caddyshack,” and yes, my first name was a Ninja Turtle, but right now I thank my lucky stars that I wasn’t born one of the Butt boys.

Having that last name is already a raw deal, but getting paged by the Air Canada counter—“Would A. Butt, Mr. A. Butt, please come to the security desk. Mr. A. Butt...”—would mortify me.

It’s still uncertain which no-fly list the boys’ names appeared on—a United States no-fly list, an airline no-fly list, or Canada’s new no-fly list, which went into effect on June 18. Since these lists are not available to the public and considered high security, it might be a while before the Butt families are able to clear their sons’ names.

It does make me a little suspect about this no-fly list thing. Canada’s list, believed to contain fewer than 1,000 names, is operated by Transport Canada. All domestic airline passengers’ names are checked against a list of people deemed to be threats. What’s a threat? Here are the criteria:

1) An individual who has been involved in a terrorist group.

2) An individual who has been convicted of one or more serious and life-threatening offences.

Oh yeah and, as exemplified by the Butt boys, 3) If you’re an individual whose name has been used in one of Bart Simpson’s prank phone calls to Moe’s Bar, you’re also not getting on. “Excuse me Mr. Strap, Mr. Jacques Strap? Please follow me to the security area.”

But it begs the question: what did the original Al Butt—the guilty one—do to get on the no-fly list? What sort of offence did he commit? Sex offender? Nah, too obvious.

Maybe he’s a criminal mastermind? No one would take him seriously. Maybe he was just a tough guy, like the character in Johnny Cash’s “A Boy Named Sue,” who was tougher because of his wimpy name.

Or perhaps he’s an escaped felon. I know that if I had a name like Butt, I’d be tunnelling out of my cell as soon as I met my 350-pound cell mate who told me I had a “pretty mouth.”

In many ways, it sucks for people on the list like the Butts, who are presumed guilty until proven innocent, but I suppose that’s the price to pay for increased security, and a bit more peace of mind. I just thank the lord that my name isn’t Ahmed Adoodie.

Wait a second, why talk about no-fly lists when there really is no reason to leave Montreal anyway? This is after all, what we’ve been waiting for. Summer is in full stride, festival season is here, and it’s time to get local. Montreal’s Three Monkeys boutique will be celebrating their three-year anniversary this Friday at their Cours Mont-Royal location. While the store began with a mandate to support local fashion designers, operator Paul Desbaillets has seen the percentage of local stock shrink from 80 per cent to 30 per cent over three years, a decrease that he attributes to what he sees as a “disappointing lack of support for local artists.”

“Trend-wise, the mass-produced stuff is where it’s at—like H&M. It’s stylish, cheap, easy to find and disposable,” argues Desbaillets, “but people should buy local. If you’re not supporting the local community, the culture, flavour and style that makes this city great might move elsewhere. Also, when you buy from us, often you’re talking to people who are friends with the people who made the garment. You find out what went into it, and you get to learn more about your community, and you’re supporting it. That’s worth more than the money you save at H&M.”

For the anniversary, Three Monkeys will be dishing out free gifts, hosting an exhibition of one-of-a-kind t-shirts by local artists (including Roadkill, Valerie Dumaine, Travis Taddeo, Mike Tessier) and hosting an open bar with local brewery Bierbrier. Festivities start at 8 p.m.

Riff-Raff@sympatico.ca